wellness

Mental wellness focus

For Jews everywhere, including here in British Columbia, recent weeks have been among the most painful in most of our living memories. Not only are we in deep grief from the events of Oct. 7 and in fear for the well-being of the 240 hostages and those we know who are serving in the Israeli army, many feel abandoned by some of our erstwhile friends, whose silence has been deafening, or whose confident utterances, lacking compassion or knowledge, have been galling.

We have been stunned at not just the moral equivocation between Israeli military actions and the deliberate atrocities perpetrated by Hamas, but by the implicit and explicit celebration of those atrocities by people locally and worldwide. Many of us are struggling to reconcile the critical need to end the reign of Hamas, whose main mission is to kill all Jews, with the losses of thousands of innocent lives in Gaza. We have few safe spaces to share our grief, frustration, confusion, to discuss what possibilities might exist for a better future not only for Israelis and Palestinians, but for all of us who are facing the incredible amount of antisemitism that has, apparently, been waiting for an excuse to be unleashed.

Every day, there is news coverage or social media comments that jerk us into another paroxysm of shock and disgust, be it the insensitive, lopsided remarks by a political leader or the online rantings of antisemites and terror supporters. Faced with this deluge, it is understandable to want to commiserate with like-minded people. In our experience, there has been a vast amount of sharing on email, social media and WhatsApp groups of the most atrocious and often grisly imagery, posts and ideas. For our own sake, and the well-being of those we care about, let’s stop doing this.

It’s time to recognize and correct habits that harm our mental wellness and that of those around us. Avoiding the darkness of feeling alone at times like these is one of the most important pieces of advice, as each of us struggles individually with assimilating the new world we inhabit.

The Vancouver community came together on Nov. 7 to mark 30 days since the brutal murder of more than 1,200 Israelis, mostly Jews, including a local young man and other Canadians, and the kidnapping of 240 others. Weekly vigils are continuing – and attendance is not waning, presumably because hundreds of people feel the necessity to unite in shared pain and for the inherent strength of community. Attending a rally or vigil is one way to harness the social support that is so important in times of struggle.

There are other steps that many of us could take to heart.

It’s important, of course, to remain aware, to be engaged citizens and activists, to be informed of current events. But there is a line between being informed and being unable to look away. We need to recognize the limitations and consequences of consuming endless amounts of information. It is neither necessary nor healthy to ensure that we – and everyone around us – are aware of every single outrage each and every day. Set aside time to review the news, but do not hit “refresh” repeatedly. Set a timer, if you think it would be useful. Stay accountable to yourself or ask someone who cares about you to remind you to set down the phone or remote. And be that person for your loved ones, when asked to assist them in being less fixated on the news. A crucial antidote to hopelessness is action. Be involved, for sure, but forwarding distressing emails to people who share your views (or not) is likely not constructive involvement.

Likewise, social media. Contesting and correcting false and hateful information on social media can feel important, but we need to put our abilities in perspective. The impacts that an individual can have on social media are a tiny ripple in the ocean, while the impact that social media can have on an individual is like a tsunami. Being bombarded by messages that remind us that there are many in the world who hold despicable views or are gleeful at the destruction of Israel and/or the Jewish people predictably impacts our emotional, psychological and spiritual wellness. If you are tempted to share horrendous posts with family and friends, consider what is to be gained by doing so.

Also, let’s pick our fights. We have plenty to be concerned about close to home. We do not need an incessant barrage of calls to sign petitions against things that are happening at universities in another country, or in response to offensive comments by never-before-heard-of activist groups or D-list celebrities. If we want to have an impact and have the internal resources for the fight, devote those resources to where they are going to have the most impact. Get involved with organizations doing work you believe in, join the many events taking place, both addressing the issues at hand, but also just finding comfort and strength in such things as the social and cultural events offered by our community, which allow us to come together without being completely gripped by fear and despair.

On an individual level, take time for quiet contemplation. Take a walk around the neighbourhood or in the park without headphones. Consider what your deeply held values are and find strength in that foundation. Stay open to hope, to possibilities not yet discovered and to finding paths to more compassion for yourself, for your loved ones, for your community and for those who are different from you or hold views that challenge your own. Do not exclusively dwell on the tragedies of the past and present, but spend time and effort to envision a future that is better for Israelis, Palestinians and all peoples – and how your values and actions today can hasten that better world. This, at root, is the heart of what it means to be Jewish. It is, perhaps, the only path through this pain.

Get ready to laugh it up

Carol Ann Fried as herself, and as Groucho Marx. Fried presents the program Laughing Matters at the May 28 Jewish Seniors Alliance Spring Forum. (photos from Carol Ann Fried)

Carol Ann Fried helps people find their “joy spot.” When she brings her interactive presentation to the Jewish Seniors Alliance Spring Forum May 28, she promises: “My goal is it’s going to be the most fun meeting they’ve ever attended.”

Fried is a Halifax-raised, Montreal-educated, Vancouver woman whose Friedom Training and Coaching Services include keynote speeches, workshops and meeting facilitation. She is also chief executive officer of Playfair Canada, which offers noncompetitive adult play experiences, especially to first-year students on Canadian campuses.

The joy spot is found in many ways, but it always involves connecting people with one another, she told the Independent.

“I do it by getting people to interact in creative and fun ways, toward some kind of end, if it’s a theme or team-building or fun at work or fun at home,” she said. “This can happen in various ways, but the way I do it is to get people up moving, usually, interacting with each other, talking with each other, doing some kind of activity.”

Typically, she does this with businesses, organizations and teams. In her program with the Jewish Seniors Alliance, laughter will be a core objective.

While members of the JSA may be longtime friends or acquaintances, Fried promises that, by attending her program, “They are going to get to know each other in new ways. They are going to make new connections, they are going to laugh. There will be laughter.”

After growing up in Halifax and studying at Dalhousie University, Fried got a master’s degree in counseling at McGill University in Montreal and eventually made her way west. She has served on the board of Or Shalom synagogue and is currently the chair of the membership committee.

If she has one piece of advice for people – attending her program or not – it is “Be courageous.”

That can mean something as simple as being willing to play.

“In our world, people somehow have the idea that play is for children and that we have to get serious when we get taller,” Fried said. “The idea of it is pooh-poohed by a lot of people. But my work is about getting them to do it before I tell them what they’re going to do.”

In corporate settings, she calls this “Managing to have fun.”

“I love jazzing up meetings,” she said.

Fried also has an affinity for doing programs with food.

“You can do a lot of things around food – Jewish people and food,” she said. “You can have a bag and in the bag are a variety of implements that are anything but cutlery. One of them could be the egg beater, the carrot peeler, a salt spoon, the things that you find in that drawer where you throw everything. People pull a ribbon and they have to eat their whole meal with that one thing. There are no forks, knives or spoons in there. It’s super-fun and it would be great for one of these family meals where you’re worried about how people are going to get along.”

Another idea is a “backwards meal” – spoiler alert: it’s eating dessert first.

“I really believe that shared laughter and play are essential to a healthy lifestyle,” said Fried. “When we are playful, all sorts of good things happen in our body, all those horrible hormones decrease and all the good ones increase. It affects morale, it affects creativity, all very positively. They’re going to experience each other in different ways than they otherwise would or that they are used to or that they have at other times.”

JSA’s Spring Forum takes place May 28, 2 p.m., at the Peretz Centre. Fried’s program is titled Laughing Matters. Call 604-732-1555 or email [email protected] for more information.

The power of breath

Yoga therapist and teacher Tianne Allan (photo from yogatianne.com)

Don’t hold your breath. Breath is life, and each breath we take optimizes our health. This is what I learned at Jewish Seniors Alliance’s third empowerment session – Discover the Power of Your Breath – which was held on May 4.

Gyda Chud, co-president of JSA, welcomed the 75 Zoom participants, explaining that the overarching theme for the empowerment series is “Be Inspired.”

Fran Goldberg introduced the speaker – yoga therapist and teacher Tianne Allan, who was involved for two decades in the world of aquatics and high-performance athletics. After a car accident, her yoga practice became her pathway to healing, both physically and emotionally. She now specializes in pain care and in the treatment of anxiety and insomnia.

Allan guided the group in movement – breathing while opening the arms and bringing them back to the chest. She explained that the foundation of our breath is comprised of three steps:

1. Sit up straight and breathe through your nose.
2. Low and slow, take a breath down into your belly.
3. Smooth and steady, inhale and exhale.

Other types of breathing are the relaxation breath, where you sit back, relax and exhale with a sound; and the humming breath, to relieve anxiety, where you inhale through the nose and exhale through a hum.

Correct breathing can also help ease pain, Allan explained. And it can help us sleep better. The sleep exercise involved imagining ourselves looking through the ceiling to the blue sky and letting the sun fill our bodies with warmth. This exercise actually lulled some of us to sleep.

Shanie Levin thanked Allan for getting us involved in using our bodies and minds, and reminded the audience of the JSA’s next Empowerment Series session, on June 28, featuring Libby Yu, a classical pianist.

For more information on Allan, see yogatianne.com.

Tamara Frankel is a member of the board of Jewish Seniors Alliance and of the editorial committee of Senior Line magazine. She is also a board member of the Jewish Community Centre of Greater Vancouver.