personal growth

Monica Lewinsky at BI

Monica Lewinsky may have been the first person in history to experience international cyberbullying. Lewinsky was an intern in the White House during President Bill Clinton’s administration and her relationship with the U.S. president led to worldwide notoriety – contributing to the impeachment of the chief executive.

Lewinsky’s experiences took place before the dawn of social media, but her experience of being publicly judged and condemned was exacerbated by the then-new technology of the internet. Today, with almost every young person now on some form of social media platform, the potential for victimization or harassment exists everywhere.

The lessons of how decisions in early life can have long-lasting impacts – as well as considering how the #MeToo movement might invite a reconsideration of Lewinsky’s role in those events – are among the reasons Congregation Beth Israel will welcome Lewinsky to Vancouver for an evening that includes Selichot services Sept. 9.

“We were trying to think about someone who would be appropriate for Selichot, which is really the kickoff to the High Holiday season,” said Beth Israel’s Rabbi Jonathan Infeld. “We wanted someone who would be addressing key High Holiday concepts, such as personal renewal, dealing with personal choices made throughout one’s life, but especially at a young age, the effect of those choices on one’s life. Also, very à propos to today, someone who is still dealing with body image and life image, dealing with online harassment and dealing especially, again in the modern period, with gender power-related issues.”

photo - Monica Lewinsky will touch upon several topics when she speaks at Beth Israel on Sept. 9 — Monica Lewinsky will touch upon several topics when she speaks at Beth Israel on Sept. 9. (photo from chartwellspeakers.com)

Lewinsky has been speaking on these topics for several years. And this will not be her first time speaking about them to Vancouver audiences, as she did a TED Talk here in 2015, where she told the audience she was subjected to “global humiliation” by “mobs of virtual stone throwers.”

“In 1998, I lost my reputation and my dignity. I lost almost everything,” she said at the time. “I almost lost my life.”

Lewinsky’s presentation here is presented by RBC Global Assets Management PH&N Institutional in addition to Beth Israel, King David High School and Hillel.

Beth Israel invited King David and Hillel to participate because of the relevance to younger audiences of the issue of cyberbullying and how decisions and actions at a young age can change one’s life, said the rabbi. He noted that some younger people might not know of Lewinsky’s experience, while people his age recall it vividly.

Infeld dismissed the idea that Lewinsky’s visit might be controversial.

“Our goal is not to deal with the political issues,” he said. “Our goal is to deal with the personal growth and harassment and mental health issues. Obviously, everyone has their own view of the political issues involved, but the intention here is really not to deal with Democrats versus Republicans or anything like that but really to deal with how one’s experiences as a 20-something-year-old, and the decisions that a person makes at that point, can affect one’s life…. She speaks openly about suicide ideation at one point and how did she overcome that, how is she alive today, to be able to speak, and how does this affect our young people today, who are also making challenging decisions that affect their lives potentially forever, like we all did.”

Infeld also wonders how Lewinsky would have been portrayed, and how different the perceptions might have been, had the events taken place today, when the #MeToo movement and other social changes have given us a different perspective on workplace and gender power dynamics.

“Had this played out in the 2020s and not in the 1990s, what would the storyline look like?” he asked. “I think that may have changed in a very significant way – what the gender and power dynamic looks like in terms of how people would perceive who has responsibility for what took place.”

Tickets to the event were made available first to Beth Israel members, King David families and Hillel students. Tickets were opened to general audiences on Aug. 15. The 8:30 p.m. fireside chat between Infeld and Lewinsky is free and will be followed by musical Selichot services, led by Debby Fenson and Harley Rothstein. People who donate or pledge $90 or more to Beth Israel’s High Holidays campaign are invited to a 7 p.m. seudah shlishit dinner with Lewinsky. Selichot services will be livestreamed but Lewinsky’s presentation will not be. Information and tickets are available at bethisraelvan.ca.

Opportunities for growth

Moving into an old house that needs fixing is a challenge many people aren’t prepared to consider. I’ve heard this repeatedly from people who are both impressed and stunned by our choice.

We’ve just moved into our fifth old house as a married couple. We can see the big yard, friendly quiet neighbourhood, the structure’s amazing character features from 1913, and feel this was a good choice, if an expensive one. We’ve been married almost 25 years, too. We’ve become smart enough, as partners, to hire contractors to help us cope with the things that are far beyond what we can manage to do ourselves. So far, we’ve had fewer arguments this time around.

However, there are moments when I doubt my choices. This house has a lot of broken window panes. In some cases, someone just enclosed the window in a wall, so it sat there for perhaps 50 years, broken or not. When our contractors opened up one of the walls, well, all became clear. It was no wonder that plumbing pipes froze there in a Winnipeg winter – in a dark space with a broken window. Never mind triple-paned argon-filled glass, just closing some of the windows with regular, unbroken glass would have made a world of difference.

My husband took the first few windows to be repaired at a local hardware shop. When these came back, fixed properly and affordably, he carefully fitted them back in where they belonged. Then he watched a This Old House YouTube video to figure out how to get out still more of these broken beauties. Then, he described how he’d need my help to slide out the next large storm window.

I got anxious. This involved broken glass, fragile window frames, standing on a mudroom ledge (while he stood on a ladder outside) and December weather. Also, it involved cooperating with one’s spouse, which can sometimes be stressful, too! Luckily, the Winnipeg December weather was mild, right around freezing. I eased myself onto the ledge, over some stairs, and held onto the window exactly as instructed. I had some serious nerves.

To my surprise, the broken storm window, which had been partially concealed behind drywall for many years, slid right out. There was barely time to admire the buttery paint of the inside window, although we took a second to notice the old-fashioned curtain rod. Someone took the time to drywall in this entire window but left the curtain rod hooks still completely intact. Go figure.

When I climbed down, I was oddly proud. I hadn’t fallen off the ledge, we’d removed the window, and I’d gotten up close and personal with a really old part of my house that was still in good working order. Then I remembered to go wash my hands right away. I’d just been grasping with sweaty hands onto peeling lead paint on the window frames … but I digress.

We all need growth opportunities. Lots of people take on new extreme sports or complicated hobbies. Others learn new languages, develop new relationships or take journeys to new places. Perhaps because of the pandemic, or having younger kids, I have had small expectations of myself. I’m not taking any solo international vacations or racing fancy cars. Even so, I’ve had growth opportunities. Life offers them free of charge, when you least expect it, whether it’s house renovations, new professional or Jewish learning experiences or just wintertime in Manitoba.

I’m also several years into some Jewish learning, doing Daf Yomi, a page of Talmud a day, which takes more than seven years to complete. I’ll be the first to admit that, some days, I breathe a sigh of relief when I find that it is a very short page. (Nedarim-Vows, the current tractate, has a few of these!)

And, I’m experiencing this house renovation, complete with having a major plumbing overhaul done last weekend. This included not having a stack at all for a long afternoon. (The stack lets waste water leave your home. Without a working one, well, nobody flushes the toilet or runs a faucet. It was quite a wait.)

We currently have a completely gutted kitchen and might not have a finished kitchen again for quite awhile. Slow cooker meals and the kitchenette in the first floor powder room require forethought and improvisation. Again, maybe, seen optimistically, these, too, are chances for growth and learning.

Most of my experiences aren’t extreme. I’m not climbing Kilimanjaro, yet it was quite the adrenaline rush just standing on the ledge above the stairs, dealing with the broken window. It’s these moments that help keep us stimulated, challenged, changing and growing as people.

As a kid, I remember how hard it felt leaving for a Jewish summer sleep-away camp. It was exciting and terrifying, all at once. Big milestones in life – major birthdays or, say, hitting 25 years of marriage – can also be seen as colossal events. However, my daily life seems to be full of those moments that some see as inconsequential, until they become teaching moments.

I’m reminded of one squishy deep-snow spring day. I got my car stuck in our back lane parking spot. It was a goopy mess. If my four-wheel-drive SUV got stuck, well, anyone’s could. Alone with my twins, I had to manage to fix it. With their help, I got us out, using all the tricks my dad had taught me long ago, including my floor mats for traction, rocking the car back and forth, and more. My kids and I cheered, sweaty and covered in disgusting slush and completely late for whatever we’d set out to do, but we’d gotten the car out together.

We didn’t climb the highest peak. Far from it. We got ourselves out of a rutted, snowy prairie back lane in springtime. Judaism offers us a whole list of blessings to memorize and recite, and many of them are for small moments. When we eat bread, bless our kids on Shabbat, pray for rain, see a rainbow or just get up in the morning, we have a chance for a blessing. Yet, the moment we pause to reflect on what happened, maybe we realize that those growth moments – going to summer camp, buying and renovating an old house, one window at a time, or teaching kids important winter driving skills – weren’t quite so small after all.

Here’s to growth moments.… May yours in 2023 be meaningful and not too painful!

Joanne Seiff has written regularly for CBC Manitoba and various Jewish publications. She is the author of three books, including From the Outside In: Jewish Post Columns 2015-2016, a collection of essays available for digital download or as a paperback from Amazon. Check her out on Instagram @yrnspinner or at joanneseiff.blogspot.com.

Getting back into traditions

Camp Miriam adapted during the pandemic, but nothing quite compares to being back in the old stomping grounds of Gabriola Island. (photo from Camp Miriam)

Camp Miriam is a place that holds fast to tradition. This tendency is obvious if you just look around: tables in the chadar (dining hall) are signed and dated by the former chanichimot (campers) who painted them, with the oldest table proudly displaying an impressive “1997.” Besides the tables, Camp Miriam has been running educational and Labour Zionist-oriented programming since it opened in 1948. Camp Miriam has a solid foundation of tradition and is not a place accustomed to rapid or unexpected change.

If Camp Miriam is so deeply rooted in tradition, how, then, to return to its customs after they were so rapidly and unexpectedly interrupted during the past couple of years? With 2022 constituting the first year that Camp Miriam could offer campers a full-capacity summer on Gabriola Island since 2019, there were many traditions to get back to. I, for one, had started to forget what it feels like when all of camp holds hands on Saturday nights during Havdalah. I was also having a hard time recalling the early morning energy that fills machaneh (camp) at 8 a.m., when around 200 chanichimot and tzevet (staff) are just waking up, eager to meet the day.

Of course, I did get around to remembering both the longstanding customs and everyday activities that take place at camp. But I didn’t do it alone. This summer, I worked as a madatz madrichol (counselor-in-training counselor), one of four madatz madrichimot, meaning I spent a lot of time with youth aged 16 to 17. As future leaders of Camp Miriam, the madatz were grateful to have the chance to take part in the leadership development program, especially after having lost valuable experiences to the pandemic. Throughout the summer, I watched them grow, face challenges and become people who will be important guides in the lives of Camp Miriam campers for years to come. I was impressed and humbled by all they accomplished, and it is largely through them that I was able to remember what it means to be at Camp Miriam.

So what does it mean? Camp offers lots of opportunity for personal development and growth and, at the same time, it provides a nearly criminal amount of fun, both for chanichimot and tzevet. There is avodah (labour) and a chance to take care of their summer “home,” and there are chuggim (interest groups), where kids chose an activity that interests them, like pretending to be Vikings, or swimming or making friendship bracelets. We all explored Gabriola and Vancouver Islands on tiyul (out trips), shared Shabbatot together, and contributed to meaningful conversations in daily educational programming blocks, during which we covered topics from consumerist culture to antisemitism.

While Camp Miriam adapted during the pandemic, nothing quite compares to being back in the old stomping grounds of Gabriola Island. Sure, maybe madrichimot had to explain basic elements of camp to kids more times than usual, but the synapses of the Camp Miriam community were firing and, together, we remembered. It is not a far cry to consider the summer of 2022 as a triumph – both in recovering the institutional memory of Camp Miriam, and in providing campers with meaningful summers. I, for one, know that more than one madatz went home with stories they’ll be telling to their own children.

Reflecting back on the summer, I can’t help but feel a certain amount of pride. There is pride in remembering, and it is thanks to this recovered memory that Camp Miriam will continue to grow.

Emma Paidra has been a chanichol (camper) at Camp Miriam since 2009 and she is a fifth-year madrichol (counselor).

Encouraging independence

At Camp Solomon Schechter, campers are encouraged to take some risks, embrace imperfection, connect and make new friends, and grow as leaders and good citizens of the world. (photo from Camp Solomon Schechter)

The pandemic and its restrictions on socializing greatly affected kids in particular. Being together at school and at camp gives children the chance to practise being in community and build skills around dialogue, collaboration, connection and identity. Without face-to-face interactions, in-person education and events, physical touch and their relationships, they have struggled to stand up for themselves and build the confidence they need to make their own decisions and truly find out who they are. Especially with how much social media and celebrity culture influence kids to try the latest trends to be part of the in-crowd, many of them are losing their own self-worth and misinterpreting their identities.

As many camps and groups for young people do, Camp Solomon Schechter values each child as an individual, and strives to support their social, emotional, physical and spiritual growth. At Solomon Schechter, campers have the opportunity to practise independence by choosing their own chuggim (activities) and making their cabins their own through spirited chants or personal artwork. Campers can do all of this in a safe, nurturing environment and find their passion to do what makes them happy, whether it’s arts and crafts, sports, nature or musical theatre. Every camper is encouraged to risk a little (but not without guidance and protection from counselors), embrace imperfection, try something new, connect and make new friends, make choices that support their community, and grow as leaders and good citizens of the world.

For summer 2023, Camp Solomon Schechter is making an even greater and more intentional effort to praise perseverance and inspire confidence in our campers to help them discover themselves. All of the programming this summer will be infused with key curricula that will teach campers how to set goals, show love, explore their feelings and emotions, find new activities they can be passionate about, and develop skills they can bring back home and use in life outside of camp.

One of the newest programs, started last summer, was the middot (values) system, which includes values such as compassion, respect and teamwork. This was designed to show campers the 10 values that members of the Camp Solomon Schechter community uphold. Each value corresponds with a coloured bead, and a camper received a bead from a counselor when they displayed one of the 10 values. Each cabin of campers collected their beads in a jar and, once they reached 25 beads, they received an award.

“We’re immensely proud of this program and the campers who displayed these values all throughout the summer. We believe that this program and others are crucial in developing confidence,” said Zach Duitch, Camp Solomon Schechter executive director. “We know that they will treasure these values and take them with them as they grow and begin participating in the community at large. We can’t wait to bring our middot program back to camp this summer and see how our campers have used these values outside of camp.”

– Courtesy Camp Solomon Schechter