matchmaking

Love and relationships

Hosted by Chabad Richmond, Aleeza Ben Shalom, star of the Netflix series Jewish Matchmaking, will take centre stage in-person for a one-night-only event on Nov. 27 at the River Rock Show Theatre. (photo from Chabad Richmond)

Remember the famous song from Fiddler on the Roof: “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch”? Well, fast forward a century, and things haven’t really changed that much. Jewish singles are still searching for their bashert, except they’re getting tired of swiping right or left to find their soulmate, so they’re turning to the ages-old tradition of matchmaking. Enter the world’s most famous Jewish matchmaker – Aleeza Ben Shalom.

Hosted by Chabad Richmond, Ben Shalom, star of the Netflix series Jewish Matchmaking, will take centre stage in-person for a one-night-only event on Nov. 27 at the River Rock Show Theatre.

Attendees will get an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at this hit TV reality show (signed for another year), discover secrets to successful relationships, and explore the intricate art of finding the perfect match. Ben Shalom – a self-described “marriage-minded mentor,” matchmaker and dating coach – will share her passion and insights into love, relationships and the basic Jewish values that inspire her to transform Jewish singles into Jewish couples.

“The time-honoured tradition of matchmaking, going back to the beginning of our people, has been central to bringing together Jewish couples and building Jewish homes. Focusing on core values that guide Jewish life, matchmaking ensures the continuity of our people for generations to come,” said Rabbi Yechiel Baitelman, director of Chabad Richmond. “In a world where everyone has spent the last three years getting very comfortable in isolation, the hurdles and opportunities for people to connect have been challenging. Never have I had so many people of all ages reach out to me asking me to make a match!”

Baitelman joked that matchmaking wasn’t covered in rabbinical school, but he views matchmaking as an emerging growth area in our community.

Ben Shalom, who has ushered at least 200 couples to the chuppah (wedding canopy) during her 15 years as a matchmaker, guides individuals of all ages on their quest for love and companionship. With her unique blend of warmth, humour and wisdom, she is committed to the matchmaking process. She adapts the model of formal Orthodox matchmaking (known as “shidduch dating”) to Jewish singles from all religious backgrounds, including secular, Reform, Conservative and Orthodox, from across Israel, Australia, the United Kingdom, the United States and Canada. She’s out to show the world that Jewish matchmaking is not some antiquated practice, but rather a relevant and successful process for lots of singles. She admits that it’s no easy task, but believes it’s worth the effort.

Born and raised in suburban Philadelphia in a secular Jewish home, Ben Shalom has been happily living in an Orthodox Jewish marriage for more than 20 years. She and her husband, Gershon, moved to Israel in 2021. They have five children and Ben Shalom entered the world of matchmaking in her 20s, when she was looking for a job that would give her a flexible schedule around childcare.

Tickets to hear Ben Shalom are $54 for general seating and $90 for preferred seating. Also, consider a VIP sponsorship opportunity at chai ($1,800), double chai ($3,600), triple chai ($5,400), $10,000 or $18,000. This inNludes a personal meet and greet with Ben Shalom over cocktails, forshpeis (appetizers) and conversation.

For more information, call 604-277-6427. Register for this exclusive event at chabadrichmond.com/matchmaker.

– Courtesy Chabad Richmond

Modern matchmakers

YVR Yenta is the brainchild of Madison Slobin, left, Ben Eizenberg and Ariel Martz-Oberlander. Adapting to the realities of dating during the coronavirus crisis, they have introduced the online meetup Love in the Time of Covid: Virtual Single Mingle. This photo was taken before physical distancing was required. (photo by Madison Slobin)

Three young Jewish Vancouverites have set up a collective to help their friends – and their friends’ friends – find a romantic match “using old traditions to find modern love.”

YVR Yenta is the brainchild of Madison Slobin, Ben Eizenberg and Ariel Martz-Oberlander. The three believe that their old country methods, with the application of 21st-century technology, can procure a better match than any computer algorithm. Describing meaningful connections as “the antidote to capitalist alienation,” the matchmakers see a need to fill in a city where “finding the perfect view is easy, but finding someone to share it with can be challenging,” according to their introductory material.

The matchmaking collective was just getting up and running when the coronavirus crisis hit, but that hasn’t set them back. They resorted to technology to organize Love in the Time of Covid: Virtual Single Mingle, where anyone is welcome to join an online group chat, then tell the yentas of anyone they might like to be introduced to for virtual (and, perhaps later, in-person) meetups.

The idea of incorporating old world matchmaking practices with 21st-century singles is a growing trend.

“I would love to claim it as an original idea but, honestly, I spent the last three-and-a-half years on the East Coast, living in New York City, so I have been quite connected to young Jewish community there,” said Slobin. “It was something that I kind of knew was happening in different places on the East Coast. I heard that there was one happening in Minneapolis and it seemed to me like a new trend that was popping up, which is young, secular matchmaker collectives.”

In an age when Jdate and other online dating apps are a swipe away, why the need for the personal intervention?

For a certain segment of young people, Slobin said, Jdate isn’t cool. The other reality is that apps tend to be based on looks or instant attraction.

“I think a lot of people go on dates based on that and then don’t find success because they may not share anything other than that mutual attraction and so this is an opportunity to go a little bit deeper,” she said.

YVR Yenta invites clients – it’s all free and there’s no profit motive – to complete a comprehensive questionnaire about their religious affiliation and how important that is, whether they want a match of their own religious tradition, their political views, preferences, interests and a host of other attributes.

“We accept anyone into our dating pool who belongs to any religion, any race, any sexuality, any gender,” she said.

As clientele numbers increase, the yentas write to potential matches, “so will the quality of our matchmaking, seeing as we will have more match options to choose from! Please help us spread the word to your friends and family, either through word of mouth (as was done in the old country) or by sharing our Instagram page (as is done in the 21st century).” They are on Instagram at yvr.yenta.

“This is something that I would want for myself,” Slobin added. “I think it’s a very cool idea and I wanted to make it happen for all the people around me because I feel like I know so many amazing people who are looking for partners. So we decided to volunteer our time to make it happen. Really, it’s quite fun, so it doesn’t feel like work.”

Help finding a perfect match

The cast of Crossing Delancey, left to right: Jonathan MacDonald (Sam), Nina Tischhauser (Izzy), Joan Koebel (Bubbie), Helen Volkow (Hannah) and Jon MacIntyre (Tyler). (photo by Tracy-Lynn Chernaske)

Many of us are still looking for our bashert, our soul mate, that one person with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives. Sometimes, our family and friends try and guide us in our quest, sometimes we go it alone, double-clicking away in cyberspace, hoping to make the perfect connection and, sometimes, we hire a professional, a matchmaker. While that last approach may seem old-fashioned and outdated, it can work – as the latest offering at Metro Theatre, Crossing Delancey, charmingly illustrates.

Set in New York in the 1980s, playwright Susan Sandler’s romantic comedy has five characters. We meet 30ish yuppie bookseller Isabelle (Izzy) Grossman, who lives and works Uptown and is enamoured of Tyler, a non-Jewish local author who often drops by the shop to check on his book sales. Meanwhile, back on the Lower East Side, on the main thoroughfare, Delancey Street, Izzy’s grandmother, Ida Kantor, has retained matchmaker Hannah Mandelbaum to find the perfect match for Izzy. What follows is a smorgasbord of Jewish humour peppered with witty Yiddish sayings – the evening’s program contains a glossary of the Yiddish words and phrases used in the play and it is a good idea to read it over before the show begins – as we follow the action to what we expect to be a predictable ending. Or is it?

photo - Bubbie (Joan Koebel) will do almost anything to see her granddaughter, Izzy (Nina Tischhauser), married — Bubbie (Joan Koebel) will do almost anything to see her granddaughter, Izzy (Nina Tischhauser), married. *(photo by Tracy-Lynn Chernaske)*

On stage, the action alternates from Bubbie’s kitchen to the New Day Bookstore to a park bench. The curtain rises on the warm glow of the kitchen with Izzy (Nina Tischhauser) visiting Bubbie Ida (Joan Koebel) for their regular Sunday night tête-à-tête. Ida is the quintessential Jewish grandmother, doting on her granddaughter, making sure there is lots of food on the table (her claim to fame is her kugel), regaling anyone who will listen with tales of her youth, and being an all-around busybody. The night’s conversation leads to a discussion about loneliness and finding a mate. Izzy is adamant that she is a modern woman and does not need a man to feel whole. Bubbie, who continually reminds the audience in a number of melodramatic asides of what a beauty she was in her prime and how she had three marriage proposals, begs to differ. Bubbie makes it clear that her goal, in whatever life she has left, is to find her granddaughter a husband, so that Izzy will have true happiness. Enter Mrs. Mandelbaum (Helen Volkow) with her collection of photographs of eligible men. What a catch she has lined up for Izzy – Sam Posner (Jonathan MacDonald), the pickle man who runs the local deli – “a real mensch, a college graduate, a nice boy, goes to shul every day and, you could do worse.”

Unfortunately, Izzy is a bit of an intellectual snob and finds Sam bland and unromantic, so she shuns his attentions while focusing on Tyler Moss (Jon MacIntyre). Despite Izzy’s frosty attitude, Sam is smitten after their initial meeting and persists, using gastronomical courtship – an assortment of the “best pickles in New York” and chocolate cake – to woo her. He tells Izzy the story of a man whose life took a dramatic turn when he changed the type of hat he wore and that, although her Uptown life was “sociologically a million miles away” from Delancey Street, she, too, could change her style. The next day, a hat box arrives at Bubbie’s and Izzy has a new accessory – but will she wear it?

Each of the five cast members is strong but Volkow really shines. She is the stereotypical yenta with her cat eyeglasses, capri pants and oversized bosom (safely ensconced in a floral polyester top). She nails the New York accent and mannerisms.

Tischhauser adroitly handles Izzy’s metamorphosis from fantasist to realist in her choice of suitors, while MacDonald is an understated but effective beau, playing his role with calm and self-assurance. Koebel puts her heart and soul into Bubbie’s character and does a nice job with the Yiddish-heavy dialogue and the song and dance numbers. MacIntyre comes across as the stiff, self-absorbed man his character is.

One thing that Metro does particularly well is sets and this one does not disappoint. Divided into two, one side of the stage houses the bookshop; the other, Bubbie’s intimate apartment kitchen. The mood lighting and music, a mix of 1980s hits and klezmer tunes, bring it all together.

Kudos to director Alison Schamberger, with technical advice from decades-long JI contributor Alex Kliner, for bringing this light-hearted fare to Vancouver audiences.

A quintessential Jewish play with Yiddish humour, free parking, an upstairs bar and lounge, what’s not to like? Just go and enjoy – a nice pick-me-up for the January blues.

Crossing Delancey runs Thursdays through Saturdays, at 8 p.m., with two Sunday matinées, at 2 p.m., on Jan. 29 and Feb. 5. For tickets and more information, go to metrotheatre.com or call 604-266-7191.

Tova Kornfeld is a Vancouver freelance writer and lawyer.