Domestic violence

Rabbis' wives to help women deal with domestic violence

PAT JOHNSON REPORTER

There are times when it is easier for a woman to speak with a woman. For many Jewish women, that person is often the rabbi's wife.

Hadley Baumol, the wife of Rabbi Avi Baumol of Schara Tzedeck synagogue, laughed that the role of a rebbetzin is rather like the role of a First Lady. Officially, there are no rules about what their responsibilities are, but the duties become clear as they work with their husbands to fulfil the many and varied expectations of a pulpit rabbi. In many cases, the rabbi's wife plays a role answering questions and listening to the concerns of female congregants.

"In Orthodox Judaism, there are the laws of family purity, so questions come up about that, [which] people are more comfortable talking to me about. Then, if I didn't know the answer, I could relay it to my husband," said Baumol. "Also, sometimes even regular questions, they're just easier asking a friend - that they view me as - rather than calling the rabbi."

It is that sort of easy camaraderie that organizers of a new initiative are depending on. Close to a year ago, an ad hoc group called Jewish Women Against Domestic Violence, which is comprised of every Jewish women's group in the city, brought together several local rebbetzins to view the film To Save a Life. The film follows four women and four rabbis in their discussions about spousal abuse. Afterward, participants discussed specific training programs to equip rabbis' wives with the knowledge and skills to help women who may be experiencing domestic violence or abuse.

After that initial meeting, Sara Ciacci, a member of Jewish Women Against Domestic Violence, and Selina Robinson, of the Jewish Family Service Agency, applied for and received a grant from the Jewish Federation of Greater Vancouver Women's Foundation to further the work begun at that first meeting.

In June, organizers met with eight rebbetzins and hashed out some ideas about training options. Among the areas they will look at are how to recognize signs and symptoms of abuse, how to approach someone who could be an abuse victim, how to assist someone who chooses to stay in a relationship, and how to do follow-up.

Krayna Feinberg, who is married to Rabbi Charles Feinberg of Beth Israel, said she hopes to learn how to help women in crisis. Right now, she said, she doesn't have the knowlege to do anything but listen in such a case.

"I'm hoping to gain some skills because this is an area that I've never dealt with," she said.

As well as equipping rabbis' wives with skills, Feinberg said there is also an important public education element in the plan.

"The Jewish community needs to be made aware of the issue and women need to know there is a place to turn," she said. There will be special emphasis on that during November's Domestic Violence Month. Organizers will make speakers available, ask rabbis to speak to the issue from the bimahs, and generally publicize the fact that help is available.

Ciacci has been working on domestic violence issues in the Jewish community since 1995, yet she was pleasantly surprised at the universal support she received when they first called on the rebbetzins to get involved. With just 10 days notice, Ciacci said, every rebbetzin that wasn't otherwise busy attended the meeting to view the video and discuss the issue.

Ciacci said rabbis have told her that spousal abuse is the one issue that congregants seem to emphatically avoid addressing with them.

"They said everything else walks through their doors, but not domestic violence," said Ciacci.

Training sessions will begin this fall.

^TOP