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Oct. 20, 2006
Lessons we've learned
The "golden years" can be the finest time.
DVORA WAYSMAN
It is often noted that a beautiful young person is an accident
of nature, but a beautiful old person is a work of art. This doesn't
refer to physical attributes like skilful cosmetics, stylish clothes
or an elegant hairdo, but to how we have developed our inner resources.
Like many things that grow lovelier with age, like ivory, wine,
lace and even trees, it is possible to learn virtues that we were
too busy to practise in our youth, when we were engaged in a headlong
rush through life.
Becoming a "golden-ager" tends to happen when we're not
looking. The years after 50 seem to pass so much more rapidly, and
often the signposts – silver in the hair, lines around the
eyes and mouth, some pains in the joints – cause us distress.
Even though we might love being grandparents, no one wants to be
categorized automatically as "old." Everything is relative.
I once had a friend in her 80s who was the youngest person I'd ever
met. Rose was full of enthusiasm, involved and committed, with a
wonderful grasp of current affairs, a wicked sense of humor and
she was a delight to be with. She was even looking for another husband
and found one, telling me: "I don't want a sick old man I'll
have to nurse. I want someone strong and romantic!"
I learned a lot from her and others of her peers that served me
well when I entered the "golden age" period myself.
Laughter really is the best medicine. It's been compared to jogging
on the inside.
When the pace of life slows down, we have time to pause and smell
the flowers; look for the dewdrop in the heart of the rose; marvel
at the sunset and the night sky strewn with stars, like diamonds
tossed onto black velvet.
Creativity often flourishes. There was once a famous Japanese painter,
Hokusai, who, at the age of 75, wrote: "All that I have produced
before the age of 70 is not worth taking into account. At 73, I
learned a little about the real structure of nature, of animals,
plants, trees, birds, fishes and insects. In consequence, when I
am 80, I shall have made still more progress. At 90, I shall penetrate
the mystery of things; at 100, I shall certainly have reached a
marvellous stage and when I am 110, everything I do, be it a dot
or a line, will be alive." He died in 1849 at the age of 89,
but to the end of his days, his wisdom was revealed in continuing
to meet new challenges and by celebrating life.
The poet Robert Browning, in "Rabbi ben Ezra," wrote:
"Grow old along with me/The best is yet to be." If couples
can weather the stormier years, very often this later relaxed stage
of life and retirement can be the richest time of all, freed from
many responsibilities and day-to-day anxieties.
The Bible tells us in Genesis that Methusaleh lived 969 years. Not
many of us are that ambitious, but with the wonder of modern medicine
and ongoing scientific discoveries, we are no longer limited to
"three score years and ten" and, if we are lucky, can
optimistically look forward to a longer and healthier life than
previous generations.
In my own journey through life, the most important lesson I've learned
is not to place too much value on material things. They are transitory
and cannot compare with true friends and family, who continue to
love you even though they understand your weaknesses and failures.
We should find fulfilment in our work, whatever it may be, and have
a mind unafraid to travel. We have been given great gifts of natural
and man-made beauty in this world, and we should be grateful for
them. A sense of humor is also a great gift, for where there is
laughter, there is love.
May we always have the wisdom to know and appreciate all our blessings.
In our golden years, how truly rich we are!
Dvora Waysman is an Australian-born writer now living
in Jerusalem. She is the author of nine books, a syndicated columnist
and a teacher of creative writing. She is also the grandmother of
18 Israeli children.
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