Write a great profile

BAILA LAZARUS

This is the second in a monthly series on Internet dating, as well as general dating dos and don'ts.

Some very famous philosopher said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." (OK, I know it was Socrates; I just didn't want to sound like a name-dropper.)

Examining your life need not take an hour a week at a shrink's office and thousands of dollars that you'd rather be spending at Prada. With a few exercises, you can be writing a stellar profile about yourself that will be unique enough to stand out from the crowd so an individual will want to take the next step and make contact.

In many ways, writing a profile is like writing a resumé – you have to assume that people looking at it have read dozens, if not hundreds, like it, and might only give it 20 or 30 seconds before they move on. Therefore, you have to catch people's attention and hold it.

The trouble is, most people are not born writers or poets, and may not even know enough about themselves to understand how they are, in fact, unique.

So, we sit down in front of the computer and start with the lists: "I like walks on the beach, eating out and going to movies." And our profile slides into oblivion as it starts to look exactly like every other one that indicates a moonlit stroll as being a relationship goal.

What I really like seeing is a profile that says, "I like sneaking into overpriced movie theatres, wearing pro-Bush T-shirts to peace rallies and going into Dairy Queen and asking for a beef Blizzard."

It might be a little silly, but it would make me laugh and I'd definitely stop to read more. A sense of humor in a profile goes a long way to keeping people interested.

If we can't inject humor into our profile, at least we can give ourselves the benefit of portraying ourselves as unique. The aim is to get beyond the "I like" lists and try to examine why we like the things we do, and how our experiences have shaped or defined us in ways that set us apart.

One method is to start by dividing a page into three columns. In the first, list all the things you do – job, volunteer work, passions, sports, travel, etc. In the second column, opposite each of these, write what you value about each. Do you enjoy the teamwork your job offers? If you travel, do you do it for adventure, for the architecture, for the history or for relaxation? Do you participate in sports because you like the competition or because the Atkins diet just isn't working out for you? Finally, in the third column, write what each says about you. Try to pretend you are looking at it as though someone else has written it. What kind of things do these experiences say about the individual?

Once the columns are complete, start circling those things that are really important to you; that you couldn't live without. As you start doing this, you might find yourself thinking of other values that define you that you haven't written down, or things you are still learning about. Be careful not to censor yourself. Don't take the attitude that anything is unimportant. I was giving advice about profile writing to a client who was retired. She had taught kindergarten and didn't think it merited a mention. But that kind of job shows she has tremendous patience and (one would assume) a love of children.

Once you can see characteristics about yourself that differentiate you as an individual, you will be able to move from the vague (and clichéd) to the specific. For example, instead of saying "I like to travel," you can say, "I love travelling because I often take what I have in Vancouver for granted, and travelling really allows me to appreciate my life more."

Now that you know a little more about you, the next question for your profile is, "What do I want?" In other words, what are you looking for in the online dating world? More on that next month.

Baila Lazarus is a Vancouver freelance writer. She teaches a course on Internet Dating through the Vancouver School Board's continuing education department. More advice can be found at www.tastierdates.com. Sign up for online dating at jisinglesbc.com.

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