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October 1, 2004
How to avoid caregiver burnout
During the "sandwich years," women are caring for teens
and parents.
ALAN KWINTER SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH BULLETIN
There is no disputing that women play a definitive and central
role in Jewish culture and family life. The Torah gives women special
recognition in terms of matriarchal lineage and their role in religious
ceremony. Today, in daily life, many women are the glue that holds
the family together through their role as primary caregivers. However,
having a central role in your family's well-being can be both a
blessing and a curse, depending on the demands one faces.
Many women in their 40s and 50s are experiencing what is being referred
to as the "sandwich years." Their children, while into
their teens, are not yet fully grown and still require guidance
and nurturing on a daily basis. At the same time, their parents
are aging and increasingly require time and attention in order to
live healthy and fulfilling lives.
Women may feel pulled in so many directions by the needs of work
and other family members that they might begin to lose sight of
caring for themselves and their own primary relationships. This
phenomenon has been identified as caregiver burnout. As the baby
boomer generation moves through mid-life, this will undoubtedly
become an increasingly important issue for women who seek to maintain
their own mental health and physical well-being.
Knowing when to bring in outside help to assist with the care of
an aging relative can be a difficult decision, perhaps fraught with
guilt, second-guessing and family disagreements. Parents may initially
resist the idea of "a stranger" coming into their home.
But it is important to realize that if you are stretching yourself
too thin on the caregiving end of things, you may ultimately end
up wearing yourself down and begin to experience health problems
yourself.
Be aware of the signs
How do we know when it is time to call in outside help? That depends
on your own instincts, your family situation, your doctor's advice
and the health and abilities of your aging relative. Your family
doctor can be of immeasurable help in judging when an elder will
begin to require more intense levels of support.
Certainly, if you find yourself in a situation where you are providing
daily care of any type, now may be a good time to bring in professional
assistance. If an older person in your family has experienced a
diminishment of physical capability due to a fall or a stroke, assisting
them with routine activities can be very demanding. Helping an adult
with physical movement and functions may require more strength than
you can muster without endangering yourself. If the physical impairment
is due to surgery or an injury that will heal, temporary professional
assistance can truly make the difference between an easy recovery
and that which can be quite stressful for all concerned. Respite
care in the evenings, on weekends or during vacation time allows
you to take a break and avoid burnout. You can enjoy a break from
the routine of daily life with peace of mind, knowing that your
family member is receiving optimal care.
People experiencing the difficulties associated with dementia usually
also require special assistance. One of the hallmarks of Alzheimer's
disease and many other forms of dementia is short-term memory loss.
This can be particularly problematic when it comes to monitoring
the intake of prescription medications and ensuring balanced nutrition.
Alzheimer's sufferers may also have difficulty with spatial relations
and can experience dizziness and problems with balance and disorientation.
Resources are available
The B.C. health-care system is increasingly moving towards promoting
at-home care. Older people who are able to remain living in their
own homes with appropriate care can continue to live vital and fulfilling
lives. Professional help can be brought in to assist with a variety
of needs from handling grocery shopping, laundry and housekeeping
to providing physical therapy, personal hygiene assistance and nursing
care.
If you think that some outside help is in order for your family
but you aren't sure how to proceed, a visit with the doctor will
help to outline your family member's needs. The doctor can also
address the topic of bringing in outside help with the relative
who needs the assistance.
Discussing and developing a plan of action with your spouse and/or
siblings enables everyone to explore the possibilities for bringing
in help and reaching a comfort level with this stage in the elder
person's life. It also allows everyone to express their concerns
before any action is taken, ensuring that the family is moving forward
as a united group.
Today's home support agencies provide a range of services that allow
seniors to live with comfort, security and dignity in their own
homes. Meeting with several agencies that provide home support care
will enable you to discuss your family's needs and compare the costs
attached to differing levels of service. It will also allow you
to get a sense of the personality of each agency, the type of people
they employ as caregivers and whether you feel they would be a good
match for you and your family. Be sure that any caregiver coming
into your home is bonded, insured, screened and registered with
the Worker's Compensation Board of B.C., and that they will be properly
supervised.
Several caregiver support groups are available around the province.
These groups can provide a welcoming and supportive environment
in which to discuss your concerns and questions with people who
are experiencing a similar family transition. Ultimately, you and
your family should feel supported in making a decision that best
suits your situation and needs. Everyone deserves a lifestyle free
of worry, stress and guilt, and that includes you.
Getting help and support you need
For more information about home support care and support groups,
people can contact:
• www.alzheimerbc.org
(Alzheimer's Society of B.C.)
• www.bccf.bc.ca
(B.C. Council for Families)
• www.rhss.bc.ca
(Vancouver/Richmond Health Board)
• www.hollyburn.ca
(Hollyburn Support Services)
• e-mail [email protected]
(Ace Personnel Domestic Services Inc.)
Alan Kwinter is the founder and executive director of
Hollyburn Family Services, a community-based organization that has
been providing a range of integrated support services to families
in the Greater Vancouver region since 1990.
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