|
|
November 13, 2009
The variety of parents
Who's Your Daddy? launches here on Nov. 22.
CYNTHIA RAMSAY
As recently as 2002, an Alabama court granted custody to a violent father rather than the lesbian mother because homosexuality is "abhorrent, immoral, detestable, a crime in Alabama, a crime against nature, an inherent evil and an act so heinous that it defies one's ability to describe it." In Canada, a 2001 poll found that almost half of the population believes that gays and lesbians should not have the right to parent.
Despite these grim statistics, about which Rachel Epstein writes in her introduction to the anthology Who's Your Daddy? And Other Writings on Queer Parenting (Sumach Press, 2009), Epstein believes that it is time to "move from a limiting framework of defensiveness to one of exploration, curiosity and possibility."
Who's Your Daddy? is a diverse collection of essays, both personal and academic, from a wide range of writers, including parents, lawyers, activists, health-care professionals and the children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or questioning (LGBTQ) parents. Among the many topics are queer youth as parents, adoption, the struggle for parenting rights, mixed-race families, class distinctions, dealing with infertility, children's books, interviews with sperm donors and discussions on biology and love with respect to family.
"My hope is that bringing together such a varied group of honest and thoughtful writings will help turn on its head the notion that our children are running a deficit by having us as parents," writes Epstein. "Not by proving that really they turn out okay or 'the same as' other children, but by recognizing and celebrating the richness that is forged from our courage to be all of who we are. This richness is what we offer our children, not in spite of, but because of, who we are."
Epstein, who edited the collection as well as contributed to it, has been a queer parenting activist, educator and researcher for about 20 years and she coordinates the LGBTQ Parenting Network at the Sherbourne Health Centre in Toronto. Not only has she published on a number of queer parenting issues, she has four children of her own and she and her co-parent, Lois Fine, were part of a joint Charter challenge in Ontario, in 2005, that won the right for birth mothers to name another woman as the second parent at the time of birth – if they have used an anonymous sperm donor. "This means that women using known sperm donors are still required to do a second parent adoption in order to secure the non-biological parent's rights and, if there is a known dad who is to be named, the non-biological mother may still remain invisible and unprotected," writes Fine in her contribution to Who's Your Daddy? Fine points out another case, in London, Ont., in 2007, which recognized three parents, but notes that "it remains a case-by-case decision."
While the situation has improved for LGBTQ parents since, for example, 30 years ago, when 88 percent of lesbians who fought for judicial custody of their children in the United States lost, the journey to equality is far from over. The essays in Who's Your Daddy? illustrate an expansive range of relationships and experiences and it is hard to imagine that any country's legal systems could become flexible enough to deal with all of the possible scenarios: more than two parents, biological and adopted children, children from previous relationships, etc.
Who's Your Daddy? raises numerous and complex issues, which deserve further thought and discussion. It also provides resources for prospective parents and for health, legal, social work and education professionals, as well as recommended readings, websites, organizations and support groups. Of the more than 100 submissions that Epstein received, 32 essays and four interviews made the cut and, Epstein writes, "the criteria for inclusion became more about which pieces unsettled my assumptions, inspired me to think differently or about something new, engaged or disturbed my thoughts or emotions, made me laugh or cry." That these writings made a veteran like Epstein pause speaks to their all-around quality and potential impact. While the audience for such a book may be limited, its importance is not.
The Vancouver launch of Who's Your Daddy? takes place, as part of the Cherie Smith JCCGV Jewish Book Festival, on Nov. 22, 5-7 p.m., at the Rhizome Café, 317 East Broadway. Epstein will be in attendance.
^TOP
|
|
