Viewing film is a first step

Letters

Editor: The Vancouver Jewish Film Festival, along with the DOXA Documentary Film and Video Festival and the Out on Screen Queer Film and Video Festival, is co-presenting the documentary Trembling Before G-d. The film documents the experiences of a number of Orthodox (or previously Orthodox) Jews whose sexual orientation is homosexual. The subjects in the film respond to the conflict between their religious commitments and sexual orientation in a number of ways: Some leave Orthodox Judaism; others form committed monogamous relationships with same gender partners (worrying about the ramifications of such a decision in the world to come); and still others strive for celibacy. The struggles of these individuals are sad, moving and inspiring.

The film's most important contribution, to my mind, is its sympathetic portrayal of two groups of people: homosexuals who struggle with the conflict between Torah law and their urges; and the Orthodox rabbis who are committed to interacting compassionately with them. It is vital that the existence of these two groups come to light. The Orthodox community must become aware that within its midst there are individuals of homosexual orientation who are overwhelmingly committed to Torah and mitzvot. Some of them fight valiant battles against their urges to fulfil Torah to the best of their ability. Others do not fight this battle, yet are still deeply committed to fulfilling mitzvot and learning Torah. They are not deserving of demonization. They are deserving of compassion, kindness and understanding. This film itself tacitly makes that point and a number of the rabbis who are interviewed in the film make it explicitly.

Let me be absolutely clear. I am not suggesting that the Torah permits homosexual intercourse. However, while forbidding the act, the Torah leaves room for tolerance of the individual. While the matter is complicated and I cannot go into detail in this space, I believe this position is well grounded halachically. It is part of a long-standing Jewish tradition of condemning forbidden acts but not of condemning people. Again, I am simply advocating tolerance towards those who are attracted to members of the same sex.

I believe such tolerance is essential because isolation and demonization are untenable. The film demonstrates that those of homosexual orientation who are ostracized from the community are likely to do one of two things: They leave the Orthodox community altogether or they hide their homosexual tendencies from everyone and attempt to live as if they were heterosexual. The former option has negative consequences in that an individual who, I believe, could have been a constructive, positive force in the community would no longer be among us.

The latter option can cause all kinds of psychological damage. First (as we see in the movie), such a person may wed as part of a pretence of a heterosexual life. Eventually, the homosexual partner may be unable to keep up the charade, bringing pain to him or herself, a spouse and children. Second, the damage to the gay person is immeasurable. Living a secret life, unable to share one's struggles and pain is a burden I cannot imagine bearing. Indeed, this may be an issue of pikuach nefesh (saving a life). The depression of living such a life, rejected by family and community can lead to suicide. To prevent these adverse circumstances, homosexuals must know that they can share who they are with family, friends and rabbis without ostracism.

The next step of how to council homosexuals who wish to remain part of the Orthodox community is complicated and must be addressed on a case-by-case basis. I have thought about this matter and discussed it with my teachers. Admittedly I do not have all the answers or even many of them. Nonetheless, I believe the Orthodox community must find a way to stand behind its halachic definitions of permitted sexual behavior while maintaining a sense of compassion and tolerance for our fellow Jews of all sexual orientations. A first step toward that end could be the viewing of this important film.

Rabbi Ross Singer
Vancouver

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