It's my turn to be the president!

Hillary Clinton

America's tired. Bushed, you might say. Time to turn the clock forward – um, back – to the Clinton days. At least, that's what I'm counting on. Remember the good old days, when all America had to worry about was presidential shenanigans and Oval Office antics? Those were good times. Ever since Bush II, it's been crisis after crisis. Said it in the '60s – seems apt today: Make love, not war!

• Never dreamed I'd be running for president. Oh, wait. That's always been the dream. Just never expected my main opponent to be a previously unknown Kenyan-Kansan with no national experience. That's all we need – another neophyte who can't find his way around the West Wing. If I'd known experience wasn't going to be a priority when running for president, I would have stayed home like Tammy Wynette and baked cookies!

• Did I mention my grandmother's late-life marriage to a Jewish gent? I will - just before the New York and Florida primaries.

• Mazal tov to Vancouver's CJA campaign leaders! Met the goal this year – again! Doing a heckuvajob! Me, I'm doing OK, too. No problem meeting my campaign goals. Opted out of federal financing so I could spend all I want. What a shopping spree I'm gonna have this year. Unfortunately, it'll all be on TV ads and direct mail. I've already got every shade and hue of pantsuit known to humankind. What more could I need?

• People sometimes ask me, how does life in the Senate measure up to life in the White House? Well, for one thing, I need to keep my eyes on 99 other inmates, instead of just one. For another, did you notice I'm running for president?

• Saw Nancy Reagan the other day. Still in that Chanel suit she was born in. Misses Ronnie something fierce. Tell me about it. I've got a husband whose mind isn't the only thing that wanders.

• Speaking of former First Ladies, that Babs Bush is a handful for the current chatelaine of Pennsylvania Avenue. Enough that most mothers-in-law share opinions about how you're doing your job. (Bill's mom was an American original!) Imagine the babble around the Bush table! "When I was First Lady...." That's nothing compared with the pressure on Bush Junior. Everybody said Senior didn't finish the job, so Junior took up the task. Talk about losing the family fortune. It'll be a cold day in Midland before another Bush gets anywhere near the White House – except when I erect the White House Christmas tree in 2009!

• So Justin Trudeau's running for the Canadian Parliament ... I couldn't be more thrilled. I've always been a huge fan of his father's Doonesbury strip! Bonne chance, Justin!

• While we're talking about our allies, um, friends to the North – that Stephane Dion seems like a mensch. Loved her theme song in Titanic.

• Can't help noticing Purim's coming up. Love that holiday. Round our house, we spin our groggers when anyone says George Bush. I've always liked to play Queen Esther. In a year or so, I'm hoping to play King Ahasuerus. Chag samayach!

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