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March 17, 2006
How to live an inspirational life
Lyvia Smith may face challenges, but when it comes to positivity,
she has few equals.
MONIKA ULLMANN
When I was first introduced to Lyvia Smith, I had no idea that
this small, slightly bent lady with long hair and multiple rings
on hands crippled by severe rheumatoid arthritis would change the
way I live my life. I wrote a story about her and her husband Allan
and daughter Sheryl's photography for the Independent and thought
that was that.
But then she invited me over to her home and gave me a signed copy
of her book, The Joy of Positive Thinking: How To Be Up When
You're Down. She wrote it because the nurses taking care of
her wanted to know how she managed to be so optimistic, in spite
of her crippling illnesses.
During the course of several long conversations with Smith, I began
to realize that in spite of many obvious differences, we had much
in common – we're the same age, have successful grown children
and had husbands who were professionals, yet also pursued serious
artistic careers. And we both write and share a strong interest
in people. Yet I was allowing my somewhat jaded journalist persona
to dominate. So here she was, showing me a different way. You might
say she charmed and inspired me to rethink how I relate to my friends
and family. Apparently, she's been doing it ever since she was a
child.
"You know, I've always been a voracious reader," Smith
said, "and used to sneak into my parents' bedroom in Los Angeles,
where I grew up, to borrow Dale, Carnegie's books – so my interest
in being positive and connected to people goes way back. I think
I was born this way."
Sitting in her living room in Vancouver, surrounded by dozens of
photographs and the mementoes of a full but often difficult life,
she radiates genuine warmth and conversation flows easily from topic
to topic.
She has always written poetry and songs. Then came this book, about
how to live in a positive manner and always see the glass as half
full.
"You know how they say, 'write what you know,' " Smith
observed, "so I thought, 'OK, I will do that.' "
What she knew was how to survive the tough times with grace. But
it took several years – years that were to severely test the
positive messages she was trying to put into writing. It was almost
as if she had to personally live each and every piece of good advice
first.
When Smith became very ill, she put the book on hold, but kept active
by helping her husband work on a book about the most interesting
people in British Columbia. She set up his appointments for portraits
and because of this project, she came in contact with or personally
met just about everybody who was anybody in B.C. Most of them never
knew that she was severely disabled; all they heard was her cheerful
voice on the phone. She was bedridden and didn't want to meet people
this way.
Like a lot of journalists, I tend to be cynical – it's a professional
hazard. But Smith's indomitable spirit made me realize that I could
do more in life, be more helpful – after all, I have few physical
challenges. The world is looking increasingly dark these days –
what was I doing to light a candle? Or to put it into a Jewish context,
what was I doing to contribute to tikkun olam (repairing the world)?
Studies on high-achieving women prove that one of the most important
markers is a strong, highly supportive father figure. Smith's father
was devoted to her, and she says he was the most powerful influence
in her life.
"I adored my dad – he was the kind of father who gave
me unconditional love," she said. "I could do no wrong
in his eyes, and I think that has given me my self-confidence. He
taught me that you can learn something new every day, and I believe
in that." He died when Smith was in her 30s and she says that
to this day, she still misses him.
Like most people of her age, she has suffered other losses. Her
mother is gone and her husband died unexpectedly two years ago.
"I always thought that he would outlive me; it was a real shock
that he went before me," she said.
Her naturally sunny disposition was severely tested when her husband
Allan died of pancreatic cancer and she had to look after him, as
well dealing with her own health problems.
"I believe that something good comes out of everything, but
after he died, I had to really work hard to come up with an answer,"
said Smith, her expressive dark eyes clouding over. She poured her
feelings into a long poem to him. And her talent for friendship
did not desert her in this dark hour.
"One wonderful thing that came out of it is that the people
who helped me take care of him are my friends to this day,"
she noted. "And they all went way above and beyond the call
of duty; they are wonderful people."
Today, Smith is out of her wheelchair and she's managing her daughter
Sheryl's photography career. She's also actively promoting her book,
which is in its second edition and doing well at Chapters.
"The best thing is doing book signings," she said, "it
gives me a chance to meet people and talk to them." In fact,
she spends her days and part of her nights giving pep talks to people
on the phone. "I tell people they can call me quite late; I'm
usually up until two or three a.m.," she said. "I think
everybody needs someone to talk to and maybe that's my niche in
life." But then, "I'm just a rebellious 65-year-old with
long hair," she laughed.
To me, she's one of those rare people who teach simply by being
themselves. She has taught me, a non-Jew, the true meaning of tikkun
olam. Smith's talent for making friends and influencing people is
making a positive impact on my life and the life of the people I
cherish already. Reaching across religious and personal differences
to the human heart, Smith truly is a living inspiration.
Meet Lyvia Smith at the Chapters store at Metropolis Metrotown from
2-3 p.m. on Friday, March 31.
Monika Ullmann is a Vancouver freelance writer and editor.
She can be reached at [email protected].
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