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March 10, 2006
A very important event
Entire community rejoices over big macher.
EGAL A TARIAN
The Most Famous Jew in the Entire History of the Jewish People
came to Vancouver last week to give a talk to our community.
The Most Famous Jew (MFJ) is renowned for his compassion, intelligence
and benevolence. It has only been a few short months since MFJ sent
his corporate jets to airlift the entire Jewish populations of Ethiopia,
the former Soviet Union and Beverly Hills to Israel. MFJ is also
single-handedly responsible for planting 500,000 trees in the Negev.
He has degrees from 15 universities (three of them in Israel), has
written 32 books and millions of articles and made a cameo appearance
in the last Woody Allen movie.
The pre-pre-keynote speaker at the event began by thanking the pre-keynote
speaker, the keynote speaker and the post-keynote speaker for their
willingness to appear before the assembled crowd. Each of the keynote
speakers thanked each other before thanking the sponsors of the
evening in turn. The sponsors then thanked the 25,000 volunteers
who had freely given of their time in order to welcome the MFJ to
Vancouver in the appropriate fashion and helped raise $75 million
for the MFJ's foundation which far exceeded anyone's expectations.
The chair of the event noted that this was the best event ever in
the history of the Vancouver Jewish community. The chair thanked
her co-chairs and said she couldn't have done it without them. The
co-chairs and their assistant chairs then burst into tears and said
they could never have managed to achieve this level of tzedakah
without the leadership and guidance of the chair.
After the speeches came dinner, which was a truly glamorous affair.
It was easy to identify the most important guests as everyone was
wearing a "Hello, my name is ..." tag. Also, the most
important guests were decked out in finery bought that very morning
from the Ralph Lauren shop at Holt Renfrew (shoes by Kenneth Cole.)
The food – prepared by MFJ's personal chef – was divine
and featured chopped liver crostini, gefilte foam, Brisket MFJ and
to finish, plum soufflé.
Alex Klinger from the Indiscriminate Jew was on hand to photograph
the event. "Quite a spectacle, eh, MFJ?" he was later
heard remarking to the guest of honor, who paid no attention because
he was busy talking to Elaine.
At the end of the evening, awards were given for longest speech,
best speech given while wearing reading glasses, best speech given
without the aid of reading glasses, most microphone feedback, loudest
applause and excellence in napkin arrangement.
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