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June 17, 2011
Mom’s is full of laughs
Arts Club production is well-acted and fast-pace.
BAILA LAZARUS
First off, it should be stated, Mom’s the Word: Remixed is not just for moms; it’s just as great for people who have moms or know some moms, and, in fact, can be appreciated by anyone with a pulse.
It should actually be seen by anyone with a pulse because not since Dirty Rotten Scoundrels have I laughed so hard that I had tears rolling down my face.
Originally written by five Vancouver actresses in 1993, the play takes the audience from the point of childbirth to the teenage years, with each woman talking about her experiences being a mom.
Their emotions swing so drastically. They talk about their children at times as angels, at other as “vomit-spewing vermin.” And the clever one-liners come at you like a slew of fastballs.
“Childbirth hurts,” says one mom, “but you don’t know pain till you’ve stepped on a giant piece of Lego.”
After recreating the birthing experience, the moms talk about the difficulties of dealing with feedings, diapers and sleep deprivation. As the play moves from babies to toddlers, youth and pre-teens, the mothers take the audience with them on their journey.
In one brilliant scene, a mother makes a valiant attempt to get her kids out of bed, dressed, fed and to school on time. Even if you don’t have children, everyone can relate to trying to get out of the house with 20 things needing to be done first. As she looks in the refrigerator, she sees no eggs, no bread, no milk. She resorts to rolling pickles in peanut butter and jam and sprinkling them with spices to give the kids for breakfast.
Of course, there are the embarrassing scenarios of talking to their children about masturbation, oral sex, wet dreams and, of course, protection. When one of the mother’s is greeted by a girl in a T-shirt coming out of her son’s bedroom one Sunday morning, she tries to have a mature conversation with her son, the girlfriend and her husband. Asking her husband to participate in a conversation about sex, she says, “My husband looks like he’d rather be on the dining room table [pause for effect] having a vasectomy [pause] performed by my mother.”
As their kids grow, the moms see more and more where they need to compromise in life and give up the things they might have loved. One of the funniest sights on stage is when they each take out a favorite dress that they used to wear, hold it up and stare at it longingly before they drop it into a box for goodwill. One woman, who’s not exactly on the svelte side, holds up a slinky black dress that looks like it was last worn by a toothpick. She says nothing, just holds it up beside her as the audience reels with laughter.
Overall, the teenage years are seen as, naturally, the most confrontational. To be prepared, the women go through an army-like boot camp, where they are tested on how they should respond to their teenagers.
“Know your enemy,” the drill sergeant says.
Each woman is given a scenario, such as her teenager wanting to borrow the car, and then nervously gives an answer as to how they would handle the situation. If they get it wrong, the drill sergeant yells merciless criticism.
Among the various words of wisdom, we hear, “Never match wits with a teenager on fashion; you’re always outclassed and overweight.”
As if to underline the difficulties, one mom laments: “When you get pregnant, you say you’re going to have a baby; you don’t say you’re going to have a teenager.”
Even the words you use have to change once you have a teenager, says one mom. “Now, I have to say I wear flip-flops. I can’t say, ‘I wear thongs.’ My daughter shudders and says, ‘I don’t want that picture in my head.’”
Says another: “My children used to love me; now I’m stupid.”
Mom’s the Word is not all laughs, however. Serious issues are woven throughout about children stealing and doing drugs; the moms wondering how their kids went from being bundles of joy to being arrested for shoplifting.
Stopping to remember her own teenage years, one mom relates how she slept with questionable characters, tried cocaine and committed petty theft. Knowing her own past makes it harder to deal with the current situation with her children.
“I want to trust my son but the coke-snorting, shoplifting slut from my past won’t let me,” she says to more howls from the audience.
Mom’s the Word stars Jill Daum, Beverley Elliott, Alison Kelly, Barbara Pollard and Deborah Williams. Original direction is by Wayne Harrison, set and costume by Pam Johnson, and the dramaturg is Rachel Ditor. It runs until July 23 at the Arts Club Revue Stage. It contains nudity and coarse language. For information and tickets, visit artsclub.com.
Baila Lazarus is a freelance writer, painter and photographer with no children of whom she’s aware.
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