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June 27, 2008
Living a cottage life in Canada
It's not all fun and games when you decide to buy "off-grid."
KELLEY KORBIN
A weekend as a guest at a friend's off-grid cottage can be a little taste of heaven. You'll enjoy fabulous meals, often made from ingredients found not 50 metres from the deck upon which you enjoy them. The wine will flow, bonfires will blaze and the hosts will be more than happy to take you on waterskiing or hiking outings. More than likely, the weather will be accommodating and, if it's not, that will be all the more excuse to lie around and read a book.
It's the good life all right, and it is probably good enough to get you thinking about purchasing your own little piece of lake or ocean-front paradise. Well, I'll let you in on a secret that might get you thinking again ... it's not all Scrabble, fine wine and the aroma of Coppertone. Actually, your hosts have gone to extreme lengths to put on the image of a carefree, somewhat effortless weekend. In this way, cottage owners are a little like new parents who are always trying to persuade their unencumbered friends to have a baby ... not quite completely honest about the reality of their plight. Just like having a baby – the idea of a soft cuddly body that loves you unconditionally sounds amazing in theory – the reality can literally keep you up night after night.
Actually, not only is it expensive to own a cottage – aside from the obvious cost of purchasing the real estate, there are municipal taxes and never-ending maintenance costs – but owning an off-grid cottage is a heck of a lot of work. So, while you're at your friends' cottage this first long weekend of the summer, take a moment to consider who felled the trees, sawed the wood into logs and chopped it for the bonfire; who planted, watered and tended the vegetable garden; or the kind of work that is behind keeping that boat looking so shiny and purring like a kitten.
No doubt, "off-grid" has a very romantic ring to it, doesn't it? What could be better than a hideaway from all the trappings of our modern society? No roads, no stores, no noisy (or nosy) neighbors. Also, in the world of cottage owners, off-grid is definitely a badge of honor. Mention to a group of those in the know that your cottage is off-grid and there will be a hushed silence of awe as everyone considers what a rugged and competent family you must have.
Most off-grid cottagers actually work really hard to bring all the "on-grid" conveniences to their hidden locales. As a guest, you will be unduly impressed by your host's knowledge and understanding of these intricate systems that bring the pleasures of home to cottage life. As an owner, you will be overwhelmed by the binders of inches-thick manuals that you have to go through every time some little problem occurs with the water pump or the propane fridge.
First, there is the question of power – how else to run your drill and circulating saw, not to mention the lights and stereo? Maybe you'll go solar (expensive and weather-dependent) or wind (ditto), perhaps a generator (noisy and there's all that gas to carry) or propane (ka-boom ... need I say more?).
How about water and sewage? Can you dig a well? How about a catchment system? Maybe go Israeli with a desalinization system from the ocean? Will you lay a septic field or use an outhouse, or maybe you'll choose a composting toilet. Actually, this last option can do double-duty as a vegetable garden. One family I know routinely emptied their composting toilet waste in the same spot all season and behold, the next summer, when they came up to the cabin, there were a couple of beautiful tomato plants growing out of the pile, with fabulously sweet ripe, red fruit to boot – apparently not all the waste had been completely broken down and the tomato seeds had survived first their digestive systems and then the composting system. Chew on that at your cottage dinner this weekend!
Of course, there is an art to being a good cottage guest, so as not to create more work for your hosts. Cleaning up after yourself is definitely important, but even more important is appreciating your surroundings and assuring your hosts that they have found paradise on earth in their little spot (even if the black flies and mosquitoes tell you otherwise). Believe me, such considerations go a long way towards ensuring you'll be invited back.
Indeed, cottage owners are all too wary of unwelcome guests. Carpenter ants, mice and bats are only a few of the little creatures who try to make their homes in a cozy cottage and wreak havoc, all the while only creating more work for owners who, in most cases, have to do the extermination work themselves. Don't forget – off-grid makes the Yellow Pages good for only one thing: kindling.
Of course, the other big challenge of off-grid or any cottage living is getting your supplies. Most of the time, this involves planning, shopping, packing, loading, unloading, carrying, unpacking and a lot of whining. As a guest, you'll enjoy the adventure of all this but, believe me, the novelty wears off faster than you can say "herniated disk."
Seriously, by the time you finally arrive at the cottage with all of your supplies, you are often too tired to actually use the ingredients you bought for that fancy dinner and will resort to hot dogs and marshmallows, provided there is firewood available. What never seems to be missing is someone willing to light the fire, usually this person is a male under the age of 15 and often their lighting method of choice includes chainsaw gas, which brings me to another challenge of cottage life ... off-grid medical assistance.
Kelley Korbin is a Vancouver freelance writer.
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