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June 6, 2008
Educating empowered kids
Torah and the sages teach parents to guide children on their path.
OLGA LIVSHIN
Jewish religious leaders, starting with Solomon, have been concerned about children's upbringing, and many of their contemplations are reflected in the Torah. In the 20th century, with its rapid technological advances, every generation faced different challenges in the educational development of their children. In the new millennium, the theme of raising children is still very much on the minds of the community's religious guides – the rabbis, who face stiff competition for children's souls and minds from mass media, video games and the Internet.
This theme was discussed on May 24 at Schara Tzedeck Synagogue, where the guest rabbi, Dr. Jonathan Rosenblatt, from Baltimore, offered a special lecture called The Empowered Child: Implications for Parenting.
Rosenblatt presented an inspiring and well-researched lecture, using two main sources: the Torah and the teaching of Rabbi Klonymus Kalman Shapira, best known as the rabbi of the Warsaw Ghetto during the Second World War.
Shapira's book Chovat Hatalmid (The Students' Responsibility), written between the wars as a collection of essays aimed at teenagers, is still relevant today. It's currently being translated and posted in small installments on the website www.jewishagency.org. The book reads: "King Solomon said in the Book of Parables (22:6), 'Educate the child in accord with his inclinations, such that even as he grows old it will not leave him.' King Solomon's instruction thus not only defines the ultimate goal.... but also defines the means for attaining that goal ... Someone who limits himself to issuing edicts and training by force of habit sees no need to delve into the child's or pupil's personality or cognitive skills.... On the other hand, a teacher who wishes to reveal and cultivate the pupil's inner soul ... must first stoop down to the child and 'penetrate' him at eye level. Only then can the teacher gain an appreciation of that child's inner soul and begin to cultivate it."
Rosenblatt developed similar ideas in his speech. He said that there should be a shift in the child-parent relationship. "The world is lurching in the unfamiliar direction," he pointed, "but it doesn't mean that the direction is wrong." According to Rosenblatt, we not only have to adjust and react to the new direction. We have to view the new, empowered child as a gift and a challenge. We have to take leadership.
In his allusions to Torah, Rosenblatt explained the allegory of fierce, wild animals as the new and dangerous world around us. What worked before – instructions based on the child's blind trust – doesn't work anymore, he said. The evolved environment requires a new approach: understanding the child's specific needs and finding incentives for the child to comprehend and with which to agree.
Rosenblatt postulated that children no longer believe the teacher's every word. The teacher's duty is to explain, get children's interest and inspire children to love and treasure knowledge. Forcing discipline, breaking the student, making him or her diligent without motivation is no longer an option, because a crushed spirit is just as bad as an open rebellion, if not worse, he said. Communication and respect, not demands for unquestionable obedience, should be the adults' new ways of dealing with children.
Rosenblatt also focused his listeners' attention on the modern "consumer" technology, which has put instruments of power into the hands of the very young. "Every seventh grader has a cellphone, an Internet connection and a credit card," he said.
The children are already empowered by the era of information, said Rosenblatt. Adults' old-fashioned reaction to the empowerment of children is often to limit, monitor and control, but it's an already lost battle. No adult can understand the "pigeon dialect" used in kids' chat rooms. We shouldn't be focusing on control, he said; instead, we should acknowledge children's power and learn to redirect it. We can't keep children away from danger and temptation, but we can teach them by example to navigate those temptations in a moral way: "Not isolate, but inoculate" should be the winning strategy, he explained.
After the lecture and service, the discussion continued during the common meal, where Rosenblatt answered questions from the audience. One of the most important questions concerned "life without limitations."
The rabbi noted that the higher people are on a social ladder, the fewer limits they tolerate. The limitless life is featured on TV and in movies and children learn from those examples. They want everything and they want it instantly. Unfortunately, in the process of getting used to the absence of limits, they lose the most important limiting factor – self-control. Even when they promise themselves that they will study or work or do chores, something more pleasurable comes up and they succumb to temptation. The only way adults can deal with this is, not by fear and punishment, but by positive example: "We have to be determinative presence in our children's lives," the rabbi said.
Olga Livshin is a Vancouver freelance writer.
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