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June 11, 2004
Get out and get dating
Often the biggest risks provide the biggest rewards.
DANA GREENE SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH BULLETIN
Risks of the heart are the scariest. "SJF seeks SJM. Must
be flawless with GQ looks, trust fund, and absolutely no baggage!"
Is this really what you want? Has anyone ever successfully met this
person on a date? And if we did, would we like this person?
Many people are afraid to take risks and they have these ideas of
what they are looking for, but they are totally unrealistic relationship
values. Many of these daters – you know who you are –
self-sabotage their quest to meet their soulmate.
So what is risk? Risk is doing something that doesn't feel comfortable,
but could have a big payoff. Many daters disguise their fear of
risk by describing themselves as "picky" when choosing
a mate. I'm not suggesting one should date someone with whom you
feel uncomfortable. Taking risk is about dropping the word "picky"
from your dating vocabulary. After all, the act of being "picky"
is about insolating oneself in the familiar. Of course, there's
a difference between being picky and discerning. Again, I'm not
suggesting taking a risk is about dating someone who repulses you.
And taking a risk doesn't always mean the outcome will be successful.
However, it's often the biggest risks that provide the biggest rewards.
Taking a risk can also provide information about a potential partner
that you may never have received by dating in your comfort zone.
One risk in modern Jewish dating is the long-distance relationship.
The computer, the telephone and the airplane have now made it possible
to date in nearly every corner of the world. If you're new to this
column, I live in San Diego and I've recently found myself taking
a chance on love. He lives in Vancouver. So here I am learning about
your beautiful city. I'm also learning about sailing....
So many people go through life without pushing their boundaries.
For example, I never thought I'd be racing on a sail boat with a
crew of strangers in the middle of a Canadian winter in the Georgia
Strait. After four hours of three-degree Celsius temperatures with
a wind chill below freezing, and more rain than a Californian experiences
all year, I had made 10 new friends and showed my boyfriend that
even though I was soggy, I am not a wet blanket.
What does Judaism say about taking risks? Rabbi Sheila Goloboy of
Congregation Beth Israel San Diego said, "In Judaism, we shouldn't
wait for reward to come to us in the next life. We should go out
there and do it. Make it happen in life!"
We come from a line of risk-takers.
Just after Sarah died in Genesis, Chapter 24, Abraham sends his
servant Eliezer to find a wife. He goes to a well and reveals to
God that he will choose a woman based on his request. If he asks
her for water and she replies, "Yes, certainly, and I will
water your camels too!" then he'll know he's found a good woman.
Just as he was thinking this, Rebecca wanders over to the well with
a water jug. He asks her for a drink. And she responds, "Yes,
but can I give you water for your camels as well?" Just what
he was looking for! Eliezer thought, "The right woman is a
generous woman." He negotiates with Rebecca's brother and,
basically, Rebecca goes back with the servant to marry Isaac, sight
unseen.
It's a different time, but Rebecca was willing to go with him and
take the risk.
What about you? Have you taken any risks lately? And what were the
results? Good or bad?
By the way, my Vancouver friend claims to be flawless, with no baggage....
We'll see.
Dana Greene is an award-winning columnist based in San
Diego. All singles have a story to tell. Some are funny, some are
sad, but all give us a glimpse into the lives of today's Jewish
singles. What's your story? Contact Single Situations at dgreene74@
aol.com.
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