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July 22, 2005
Starving for attention
Jewish women are prone to eating disorders.
KATHARINE HAMER EDITOR
Aaron Cohen's 17-year-old daughter hadn't been eating properly
for some time – long enough, according to the Vancouver businessman,
to be experiencing "a significant, precipitous weight loss"
of close to 40 pounds.
He quickly discovered that his daughter was suffering from both
anorexia and bulimia – conditions that are twice as high among
Jewish women as in the general population. For Cohen (not his real
name), it meant getting his daughter into the eating disorders program
at B.C. Children's Hospital "as soon as we could. [Her condition]
got grave over a period of two months; of carrying along for quite
some time without our really getting it."
Bombarded by media images of slender celebrities and fad diets,
teenagers, especially girls, are particularly susceptible to eating
disorders. But what makes Jewish girls even more so?
It's an area of specialism for Victoria-based clinical counsellor
Esther Kane – she wrote her master's thesis on the subject
and many of her clients suffer from eating disorders. Kane struggled
with an eating disorder herself as a teenager.
"I was very, very ill," she said, "and nearly died
of it. I had a tough time."
In the course of her own recovery, she discovered that there were
a number of Jewish women with similar problems. "I found it
quite striking, actually to work at Jewish Family Services,"
she said. "It was as if every Jewish woman I met had some sort
of eating disorder. It seemed disproportionate in the Jewish community."
While working as a therapist at the Jewish Family Service Agency
(JFSA) in 1998, Kane did research on Jewish women and body image.
"I wanted to heal myself," she observed, "to understand
how anti-Semitism and being Jewish plays into developing an eating
disorder and how it can also help you recover from an eating disorder."
Kane studied four Jewish women with body image and eating disorders
and discovered some remarkable similarities: "I've never talked
to a Jewish woman who had an eating disorder where her mother didn't
have an eating disorder – or her sister. It's an epidemic in
Jewish families. Most women that I've worked with are descendants
of someone who survived the Holocaust or some sort of pogrom. I
think that's a major factor.
"The eating problems are passed down through generations in
Jewish families. It goes from mothers to daughters. So there's this
multigenerational transmission process that happens, where daughters
are taught to diet and to be really self-conscious about their bodies
and what they're eating."
There are, Kane hypothesized, many reasons for this trend.
She noted that Jews have a history in which we've been starved and
persecuted for thousands of years and that "anyone who's starved
is going to be food-obsessed, and that gets passed on. The stereotype
of the Jewish mother came out of that; of this woman who's feeding
her children till they're sick, because they were afraid their children
wouldn't eat again, is very real for Jews."
Kane believes that anti-Semitism is a key factor.
"Jewish women," she said, "are trying to fit into
the stereotypical WASP body type, which isn't natural for us. So
they're setting themselves up against an impossible standard. Because
of the history of anti-Semitism, Jews have wanted to pass - they've
wanted to fit into society and be inconspicuous, and to look Jewish
was a bad thing – it wasn't a positive thing. So girls had
nose jobs and different things done with their hair – straightening
their hair, lightening their skin, all kinds of things ... trying
to be blonde, blue-eyed, skinny and tall – to no avail, usually."
Cohen's daughter attends a west-side high school where, he said,
eating disorders are rampant. He has spoken to many other parents
dealing with similar issues – and seeing other youngsters get
better brings him "great hope," he said. "It's one
of the things you hold on to – you see somebody else who's
recovered.
"The pressure to perform [at schools in wealthier neighborhoods]
is higher," he said. "If you look for commonalities, it
seems to be a factor ... [and] if you say there's obsessive, neurotic
behavior in a family, it's even more likely in a Jewish family,
so that doesn't help."
Kane noted though, that it's a problem that transcends family background
or income level and, in the case of Jewish families, is more to
do with cultural norms.
"There's also the fact that Jewish culture is a food-focused
culture," she said, "which happens in all cultures, really,
but I think what's different for Jews is the laws of kashrut. There
are forbidden foods, so foods are fear-based, some of them –
you're not to eat this, you're not to eat that – and once you
start putting restrictions on food, people get eating disorders.
It's not a natural way of being. And with Judaism being a home-based
religion, so much centres around the dinner table. That's where
you congregate, really. Food can become a control issue in a Jewish
home because it's very important ... kids can learn to manipulate
with food, because it's important to their parents. It's an easy
target. To not eat in a Jewish house is a big [deal]. Oh my God.
It's a statement."
And yet, she said, healing can come through a reconnection with
the Jewish faith. She cited one case study from her thesis of a
young woman with severe anorexia who felt isolated from her community.
"But her healing came from going back into the community,"
said Kane. "She found healing through Judaism, actually, which
was quite beautiful – she found healing through learning the
Torah and attending synagogue and meaningful rituals."
It's part of spiritual healing, said Kane – coming to believe
in something higher than yourself that's not so physical, "and
also owning who you are and being proud of that. I think when working
with Jewish women with eating disorders and their families, it's
really important to ask questions about what it was like being Jewish
and how they feel about being Jewish and what messages they have
passed on to their daughter about being Jewish: Do they feel proud
of it? Are they ashamed? Do they hide it? How can they celebrate
it?
"I used to be ashamed of looking Jewish and now I embrace that
and I'm really proud of who I am and where I come from and I really
love looking at pictures of Jewish women throughout history and
identifying that this is my tribe and that we are beautiful in our
own way, so reclaiming that for ourselves.
"The other thing that I think is really important is finding
Jewish women role models for Jewish girls. There are a few that
haven't had any nose jobs, that are proud of themselves and their
bodies. There are some really strong, wonderful Jewish women out
there to emulate."
Cohen's daughter has been in the Children's Hospital program (which
involves family and individual therapy, as well as renourishment
of the patient) more than once. He said she's "not resistant"
to treatment, "as much as ambivalent. I don't know if they
even view life through weight, it's hard to know – there are
so many different reasons for anorexia."
He admitted it was a stressful situation for a family to deal with
but pointed out that, "The first thing they tell you [in counselling
sessions] is that is has no cause and effect – don't look in
the mirror and say that you failed your daughter."
His advice, though, is to "react as quickly as you can. Look
for potential signs, such as food or diet obsession, melancholy
or ritualized behavior. There are lots of good books to read. If
you have young daughters, read the books, so you're alive to the
potential issues. And have balance in your lives. Don't have crazy
eating habits, don't have crazy exercise habits. Try and deal with
image in a way that is not going to accentuate what the media does
to young women, he said.
"I think," he added, "that when you've had this kind
of a problem, it doesn't just kind of disappear from your life –
but you manage your life. At some point, it's just about all rejecting
anorexia. The few that don't, it's a terrible, terrible problem
– and I don't what you do.
"You just pray it's not your daughter."
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