Camper anxiety: what to do?

MICHELLE DODEK

Some children love the idea of camp, but for others, spending the day with other kids hanging out and doing different activities is a nightmare. Add the stress of “sleep-away” camp, where they don’t see their parents for weeks and have to sleep, eat and shower with strangers, and some parents need to prepare for a full-blown freak out. Then there is yet another group of reluctant campers. There are those children who may not immediately balk at the idea of camp but once there don’t want to let their parent leave. For many parents, camp often provides necessary summer child care so there is really no option about whether or not the child will attend. Luckily, there are many strategies for dealing with anxious campers and even more options to choose from when it comes to camp experiences.

Diane Friedman is the mother of Isaac, a shy seven-year-old boy, and she and her husband both work full time. When school is out, her son must be in some sort of camp. She recalled how reluctant Isaac was to attend day camp at Vancouver’s Spare Time Child Care Society, even though he went with a friend. “He cried and I had to leave him with my heart breaking because I needed to go to work,” Friedman said. “After a few miserable days, I asked him if he thought he’d make more friends if he was grouchy or happy. Amazingly, he got it. The next day he told me camp was great. When I asked what had changed, he said it was his attitude.” This approach may not get through to every child, but some kids are self-aware enough to consciously change their demeanor when they see it as a benefit.

Another mother, who wished to remain anonymous, had a different type of reluctance with her son regarding camp. “He’s not the kind of kid to be overly enthusiastic about anything, so he wasn’t sure about going away to camp for three weeks,” she said. He agreed to go to a local camp, knowing there was an option to come home after just two weeks if he was miserable. A few days into camp, a letter arrived at home describing the first two horrible days. “We’re so happy we didn’t have a knee-jerk reaction,” she said. She discussed his situation with the camp director, who had the counselors keep a close eye on her son and, when the two weeks were up, he chose to stay for a third. “This taught us to trust the camp and not be so worried.” And she believes that the key to him returning with more enthusiasm next year will be to continue to maintain the good friendships he made at camp this past summer.

Friendships are one of the best, most long-lasting outcomes of a camp experience and statistics indicate that perhaps it is also the most important single thing in forming Jewish identity. Debra Miller would agree. In fact, Miller began dating her husband at Camp Hatikvah, when they worked as counselors together.

“The best experiences of my life were at camp,” she said. At first, she said, her parents were reluctant to send her to sleep-away camp, but she was adamant and, eventually, they let her go. “I loved camp and I want my children to love it too.”

Too often, children are forced to go to camp and, when they don’t have a good time, they don’t ever go back. Miller, now a psychiatrist, asserts that some children have serious clinical anxiety and battle just going to school, which can be a big problem. Summer camp is optional and parents with anxious children should keep that fact in mind. However, Miller doesn’t want her kids to miss out because she sees camp as an important rite of passage for Jewish kids.

“I’ll send them when they beg me. After all, forcing your kid to go to camp is like forcing them to go to Disneyland! Why would you do that? It should be fun.”

Dana Whelan is one of the people who make day camp fun. She has been a day-camp counselor for years for children as young as two years of age and as old as 12. She does encounter kids who are unhappy to be there and she has a few strategies to help them settle in. “If they miss their mom, we might make a craft [a project] specifically for mom. I try to bond with them right away and, for the little ones, I suggest they bring a comfort object just to have in the room. Camp is a very different environment than school and some kids find it overwhelming at first.”

She added, however, that hardly any child ever cries for more than 10 or 15 minutes. This should comfort parents who dread leaving their children at camp with cries ringing in their ears.

For tips on how to minimize anxiety, Shirly Goldstein, children, youth and camp director at the Jewish Community Centre of Greater Vancouver, has a number of tips. “Ask for the detailed schedule and go over it with your kids beforehand. Use pictures or cue cards so they really know what to expect from camp but never expect them to tell you what happened at camp. Ask the counselors what your child enjoyed.”

Her best tip: arrive early. “It’s amazing the difference in integration and confidence when they arrive first.” Aside from their summer day-camp programs, the JCCGV has a two-week camp during March spring break and a short session during the Pesach break, as well. These experiences can help prepare children for longer stays at camp during the summer. Summer camps at JCCGV run for three two-week sessions; the fourth session is just one week. Registration is on Feb. 16 for the popular summer day camps. “Make an appointment to see me if your child suffers from anxiety,” said Goldstein.

With every child, parent and family situation being so different, there is no one solution to nervous campers. Jennifer Chelin, mother of three, tells her children on the day camp starts that they’re going and she says they just have to accept it and they do. Her older son is a bit anxious, but given no warning or choice, she said he’s fine. Other children do much better with preparation along the lines suggested by Goldstein.

As a parent, having confidence in the organization running the camp and its program as a match for your own children will go a long way to making the camp experience positive.

Michelle Dodek is the mother of two small children who love to do day camp together.

^TOP