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January 7, 2005
Reasons I love my synagogue
The holy rabbi-congregation relationship is like that of a married
couple.
RABBI SHMUEL BIRNHAM
We have such a turnover of Jewish professionals in this town (rabbis
included) that I'd like to write a positive column about my relationship
with my synagogue. The purpose of this piece is to share good news
with the community and to make a recommendation to others, in a
humble fashion.
In January of this year, Congregation Har El and I signed a 15-year
contract, which should take me, God willing, from my 50th birthday
(this past April) until my 65th. It was our view that, just like
personal relations, the best relationship between synagogues and
their rabbis is a healthy, long-term marriage. I'd like to explain
how this good fortune happened to us in order to encourage other
holy communities to do the same.
When I interviewed at Har El in West Vancouver in March of 2000,
I shared my vision with them. I said that if, after the first four-year
term was over, we had good teamwork and synergy, then the next step
would be to sign a long-term contract. Much to my pleasure the board
of directors agreed. Such an agreement gives security to each of
the partners. It says, in both directions, "I like who you
are and the way you work and I want to be with you for a long time."
Why do I love my shul? Above, I used the metaphor of marriage. When
I sat at my first board meeting as a new rabbi in North Carolina
in 1989, this is what I said to the board members.
"If you think of me as your employee, I cannot be your rabbi,
spiritual guide and leader. You and I (and, of course, the congregation
and I) are partners. We are meant to work together as a team. If
you think because you pay me that I work for you, we cannot be the
team that we are meant to be." I was blessed to have a wise
board then, and I continue to be blessed, with the last Har El board
under Ulrika Wallersteiner's leadership and the present board under
Marnie Goldberg's.
Just as in any good marriage, there needs to be respect and support.
I experience both respect and support at Har El, as does the congregation
from me. In my limited studies of Bowen (family systems) theory,
I've learned that "differentiation" is valued highly.
This means that in order to have a healthy relationship, each partner
must be clear about his/her views, ideas, wishes, fears, anxieties,
etc., and be able to express them to each other. Each partner needs
to be a strong and defined self and, at the same time, deeply connected
with the other – one must be oneself while also being supportive.
Underlying this relationship is trust. Just as these are truths
for a married couple, so too are they truths for the holy relationship
between a rabbi and his/her congregation.
One of the other great traits of the culture at Har El is that the
shul is ready to try to travel new paths. Perhaps this is true because
Har El is a fairly young shul and, therefore, it doesn't have so
many people saying, "But we never did it that way before!"
But I hope Har El is ready to try new experiments more because it
realizes that, just like a healthy individual or couple, life and
the future bring with them new challenges that must be faced with
new responses. We are an egalitarian Conservative synagogue and
so we are deeply rooted in halachah (Jewish law) and minhag
(custom). We are built on the bedrock of our deep Jewish tradition.
But just as we know from ancient midrash that Moses wouldn't have
understood the Torah taught in Rabbi Akiva's class so, too, we know
that Judaism must evolve in our time in order for it to be healthy
and alive.
Six days a week, I walk over the bridge that crosses Brother's Creek
in order to enter my shul. Every time I do so, I am reminded of
the Zohar's take on Genesis 2:10: "And the river flows from
Eden to water the garden." When there is a holy flow of love
and respect between individuals or groups of people, the Holy Garden
is watered and refreshed. When the Holy Garden is watered, it means
the Divine is at work. My congregation and I have found that holy
flow to be very real. This does not mean that we always agree on
everything. What it does mean is that our relationship is truly
based on Jewish principles recognizing that we are both holy partners
in the creation of a holy community and that we are both created
b'zelem Elohim, in the image of God. When two partners can
feel that about each other, the present and the future are blessed.
Rabbi Shmuel Birnham is rabbi of Congregation Har El in
West Vancouver.
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