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January 3, 2003
Support group seeks answers
Sim Simon wants the cemetery board to be accountable for mistakes.
KYLE BERGER REPORTER
Flawed records and concerns with the board of directors at the
Schara Tzedeck cemetery were two of the topics discussed at the
first meeting of a new support group for people who have run into
problems dealing with the cemetery.
The meeting, which took place Dec. 9 at the Richmond home of Sim
Simon, was organized by Simon and included her sister, Fran Cole,
Isaac and Bea Goslin and Jacob Bichin.
Goslin and Bichin have been mentioned in the Bulletin in
previous articles about the cemetery. Both shared stories of how,
on the morning they were supposed to bury a loved one, an unidentified
body was discovered in the plots they had reserved.
The Nov. 15 article, titled "Some questions answered,"
quoted former cemetery funeral director Harley Felstein, who said
that poor record-keeping or general disorganization over the past
30 years might have triggered the confusion in such cases.
Simon said she contacted Goslin and Bichin because a year and a
half ago she had her own problems with the Schara Tzedeck cemetery
that had continued to occupy her mind.
"I still can't get over it and these people are obviously as
extremely troubled as I am," she explained. "It helps
us and it becomes a support system for each of us."
Simon told the Bulletin that tears flowed as they each retold
their stories and by the end of the meeting they knew that their
interaction should not end that night.
The group has issued an open invitation to what they believe are
many other individuals or families who have been traumatized by
similar experiences with the cemetery to contact them or join their
support group. She said the group's goal is to offer personal relief
and to make a push for the cemetery's board to answer what they
feel are simple requests.
"We all determined from being together for an hour, that we're
not out for money or revenge," she said. "We're looking
for some kind of a correction, an apology for the way all of us
were treated.
"What we want is to comfort the other people and hear their
stories," Simon continued. "We don't know what our next
step is, except to get together again because it was comforting
and it was helpful."
Simon's story differs from many others that have been told to the
Bulletin in that it was actually one day before their mother's
funeral that she and her two sisters discovered that the plots her
parents had purchased for themselves in the 1970s were occupied
by someone else.
In September 2001, while their mother was in hospital losing a battle
to cancer, Simon and her sisters had to spend the better part of
a day making reservations for two new plots. According to Simon,
15 minutes after they returned to the hospital, their mother passed
away.
"We were devastated that we had missed five precious hours
with her before she died," she said.
The three sisters wrote a letter to the cemetery board expressing
their concerns and, one month later, Simon, along with her sister's
son-in-law, David Goldstein, was scheduled to attend a cemetery
board meeting. She was planning to ask the board for compensation
in the form of a donation to the Louis Brier Home and Hospital,
and to correct whatever problem had caused the plot mix-up so that
it wouldn't happen again.
Thinking about that meeting often brings Simon to tears.
"It felt like doom and gloom when I walked in," she said,
noting that they had the letter her family had written on the table.
"[Cemetery board co-chair] Jack Kowarsky was the spokesperson
and he had highlighted everything that he felt was verbally abusive
or accusatory."
According to Simon, after Kowarsky's opening remarks, she felt that
the board was considering suing Simon's family for libel based on
what was written in the letter.
"I felt like I was in a war crimes tribunal and I was on the
witness stand," she said, describing the meeting. "I left
[the meeting room] and I broke down in David's arms and I said that
was the worst experience of my life.
"The way I was treated was just outrageous," she added,
unsuccessfully trying to hold back her tears. "They made us
sit in the waiting area while they made a decision."
The cemetery board did make a donation of $1,000 to the Louis Brier
Home in the family's name, which was used to put a magnolia tree,
Simon's mother's favorite flower, in the new courtyard.
Simon was unable to set aside her feelings about the whole experience
for several months until her own health problems diverted the matter.
Now healthy again, Simon explained that she was outraged to see
that others have had to deal with similar problems at the cemetery
since her own experiences there.
"I asked [the board] to send out a standard letter to every
plot owner asking them to call the office to confirm the vacancy
of the plot that they owned," she said. "They said that
they had done it. If [Isaac Goslin's mother] was just buried in
June of 2002, they didn't. I want them to be accountable."
Rabbi Yosef Wosk, whose family has been a donor of the Schara Tzedeck
cemetery, said he has also had problems trying to get answers from
the cemetery board. He said he was glad to hear about the new support
group.
"I think they are brave individuals to follow this up,"
he said. "It's in the best interests of Jewish and human tradition
to stand up."
Wosk's grandparents, as well as his own parents, are all buried
at the Schara Tzedeck cemetery. He also served on the Schara Tzedeck
Synagogue executive board for three years in the late 1990s, including
one year as the first vice-president.
Wosk told the Bulletin that a year and a half ago he approached
the cemetery board looking for answers for a friend who had recently
buried a child.
Wosk said he was invited to a cemetery board meeting to discuss
the issue. However, he was not happy with how his concerns were
met.
"They asked me to wait out in the ante room," Wosk said
of his interaction with the cemetery board. "I felt like I
was in a court instead of [feeling like] someone from the community,
a friend, an ally, an interested party.
"And then they said, 'OK, you can come in now,' " he continued.
"No one else said a word. [Jack] Kowarsky ran the whole thing.
I felt I was being prosecuted. They belittled [the issue] and all
the time I felt like I was being attacked and cut out.
"Now, they do good work and they help people and are able to
help others that can't afford it," he added. "But it's
this secrecy. It's demeaning. That's what I'm telling you."
Wosk said he knows that publishing his comments in the Bulletin
might upset some of the cemetery board members that he has known
personally for many years. However, he explained, this was not an
issue on which he wanted to be silent.
"When I find that I've sincerely done my best and when I find
that so many other people have been negatively affected, then I
feel that it is of no benefit to the community to remain quiet,"
he said. "There are times for silence and working behind the
scenes. But at a certain point, silence makes us guilty by association."
Anyone interested in becoming part of the support group or just
wanting more information can contact Simon at 604-275-3473, Bichin
at 604-261-8555 or Goslin at 604-731-8696.
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