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Feb. 28, 2014
Some advice about Judaica
Some do’s and don’ts will help you buy that perfect wedding gift.
JACOB KAMARAS JNS.ORG
Not another challah board! That’s the collective cry heard round the Jewish world when newlyweds receive a Judaica gift they already possess. To not be that friend, here are some do’s and don’ts for Jewish wedding gifts.
First, the do’s:
Be creative. There are inventive spins you can take on traditional Judaica items.
Kiddush cup? How about a Kiddush cup fountain instead? It includes a centre cup as well as eight to 12 matching small cups. When the reciter of Kiddush pours the wine from the centre cup into the base of the fountain, the wine trickles down into the small cups. This avoids the clumsiness of pouring Kiddush wine for each person at a large Shabbat meal, not to mention that the streamlined process routinely elicits “oohs” and “aahs” from guests.
Challah board? How about a challah board breadbasket? It transforms itself into a basket for distributing challah to guests after it is cut, keeping the Shabbat table uncluttered.
Think practically. What Judaica does the couple really need around the house? More specifically, of what does the couple need more than one? A decorative mezuzah immediately comes to mind, given the multiple doorposts in Jewish homes calling for one. Even more practical – and memorable – is providing the glass cup that the groom will break with his foot under the chuppah, along with a broken wedding glass mezuzah, whose case includes room for those sentimental shards.
Give cash. Are you thinking that cash isn’t sentimental enough? Don’t talk yourself into that myth. You’ll be remembered quite fondly for your cash gift, with which the newlyweds can buy anything they desire.
Now for some of the don’ts:
Don’t be a copycat. The couple will likely get multiple challah covers, menorahs, seder plates and the like. Don’t join the fray even though, I admit, it would be unfortunate if everyone followed my advice and the couple ended up with none of these hallowed Judaica fixtures.
Don’t compete with close relatives. The couple’s parents or other close relatives may purchase them silver Shabbat candlesticks or a Kiddush cup, or the bride and groom may have had these items passed down in their family over time. Don’t think for a second that you can compete with Bubbe and Zaide!
Don’t duplicate the registry. This goes for non-Judaica items. “Duplicating” the registry – for instance, getting dishes or silverware not listed – ensures three infuriating outcomes: you’re getting the couple something they don’t need; they won’t be able to exchange your gift for something they do need; and your gift will enter the “re-gift closet,” which could create a vicious cycle, the couple repeating your error of gifting an unregistered item, with the gift being re-gifted in perpetuity. Here’s a little secret: the point of making a registry is not just to get all the household items a couple needs, but also to create the potential to exchange a string of registry items for more expensive ones that you wouldn’t have the gall to put on the registry, like a couch. Your unwanted gift could spoil the couple’s efforts to implement this strategy.
Honestly, these are just pointers. Any gift is deeply appreciated, and it’s the thought that counts. At the end of the day, it isn’t the presents, but your presence – at the wedding, if you can be there, and through your continued friendship – that matters.
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