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Feb. 16, 2007
How to be a really great dad
Ten valuable lessons for handling a new family life with aplomb.
KYLE BERGER
While it is true that husbands and wives raise their kids together,
it is certainly a different experience for the man than it is for
the woman.
Start with the fact that men can't breast feed and add the fact
that men and women see most things in life differently and you can
be sure raising a first child is a unique scenario for husbands.
As a dad with a three-month-old daughter, I'd like to offer 10 lessons
for prospective dads-to-be.
1. Life does not end when you have a baby. Like most men, I spent
many days after my wife declared, "I'm pregnant" wondering
how I was going to deal with all the extra-curricular activities
I'd have to give up. In my mind, I haven't actually sacrificed anything.
In most cases, I can't imagine what I'd rather do than be with my
new family. You'll certainly appreciate it the day your new child
looks up at you and smiles for the first time.
2. Come to accept the fact that your wife is going to be mad at
you. No matter how many times in the past she's told you how irresponsible
you are, you will now be held responsible for every ounce of pain,
exhaustion and frustration she has to endure raising your child.
I could use this space to tell you all the reasons why it's not
your fault, but my wife's already mad at me for writing this article.
And now she's going to be mad that I'm writing about her getting
mad.
3. In most cases, as your child gets older, she will sleep better
and longer. We're doing well with a three-month-old who is sleeping
eight to 10 hours most nights though. Make sure you are prepared
for late nights though. Even if your baby hits the hay at 10 p.m.,
Daddy still needs time to himself. Lost and 24 aren't
going to watch themselves, after all.
4. Don't get fooled into thinking for one second that because something
happened one day – or even on a few days, for that matter –
that it's going to happen again today. That goes for the good and
the bad. Three nights of great sleeps does not mean tonight's going
to be an easy one.
5. Learn to appreciate hungry caterpillars, how to say goodnight
to the moon and understand what Moo, Baa, La La La means. If you
don't know what I am getting at, you will. Count on it.
6. No need to share this tip with your single or DINK (double income,
no kids) friends, but there is no shame in the tune of Raffi's "Joshua
Giraffe" running through your head all day instead of U2's
hit of the year. Musical beluga whales, ducks and bears are now
a regular part of your life and the tunes are catchy. Even the jingles
programmed into the mobiles have a way of creeping into our subconscious
jukeboxes.
7. There is absolutely nothing that can prepare you for the experience
of taking your two-month-old baby to get his/her first set of shots.
Two in each thigh. In most cases, it is the first time your child
will experience both real pain and fear of the unknown. As you listen
to a cry that will haunt you the rest of your life, understand that
this is just the first of many times you will do something for your
child that, while they may temporarily resent you for it, you know
is best for them in the long run.
8. Be ready for change. And if your baby is a girl, always wipe
toward the tush.
9. If you are working and your wife is on maternity leave, no matter
how long or hard your day was, it was nowhere near as hard as your
wife's. Now before I build myself a dog house here, let me be clear
that I am not being sarcastic with this point. You could have spent
your day cleaning the grease off old car engines and it wouldn't
be as hard as hers was. Seriously. I'm not kidding.
10. Technically speaking, you are raising your child. But don't
be caught off guard when you realize that we just might be learning
more than they are. Never has self-discovery been more prominent
in my life than when I am simply standing over my daughter's crib,
watching her sleep, thinking about what is to come.
I could offer a lot more tips and advice but my daughter is crying
and it's my turn to tell her how cute she is.
Kyle Berger is a freelance journalist and graphic designer
living in Richmond.
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