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Feb. 2, 2007
When divorce is not enough
Without a get, all kinds of problems can ensue for former spouses.
SORIYA DANIELS
After many harried months of wedding planning, Carol was relieved
that, in just one month, her only daughter, Debbie, would be married
to a wonderful Jewish man. Everything was in place, except for a
few minor preparations. In fact, everything had gone relatively
smoothly, except the meeting last week with the nosy rabbi, who
didn't look at ease. That didn't bother Carol much, however, as
she didn't subscribe to any particular Jewish denomination and,
while she harbored a strong Jewish identity, she didn't consider
herself "religious."
She wasn't prepared for Debbie's frantic phone call when it came.
There was a major problem, Debbie told her. The Conservative rabbi
had informed her fiancé, Jason, that she wasn't a suitable
marriage partner. Something to do with her mother's first marriage
– one that ended years before Debbie was born to her and her
second husband.
Carol and Debbie are far from alone. Many Jewish couples who obtained
a civil divorce are still considered married in the eyes of traditional
Judaism, and not just within the Orthodox movement. In fact, these
"divorced" Jewish women are still at the mercy of their
"former" husbands, whether they realize it or not.
To the chagrin of these spouses, they find out years later that,
if they indeed "remarried" and had children from the subsequent
"marriage," that these children – considered illegitimate
– are severely limited in whom they can marry due to this stigma.
This translates into thousands of potentially unmarriageable children
born each year. Kayama, a Jewish organization, is on a mission to
prevent this tragedy by informing the Jewish public about the importance
of obtaining a get, a Jewish divorce. According to Kayama's
website, the entire proceeding takes less than two hours and can
be done at any location convenient to the divorcing parties. A get
may even be issued or received by proxy. The get makes no reference
to responsibility or fault and has no bearing or effect on any aspect
of the civil settlement. There is no need to state the grounds for
divorce, as long as both parties consent. And although religious
in nature, the process involves no ceremonies, prayers, blessings
or professions of faith at all.
According to halachah (Jewish law), a husband is required
to give his wife a get so that she may remarry. While a husband
is empowered to give his wife a get, the wife does not have the
power to divorce her husband, although she must give her consent
to being divorced. Some men have discovered that they can abuse
halachah by withholding this consent as a powerful means of blackmailing
women for financial or custodial concessions or out of pure spite.
This leaves a woman in a state called agunah, in which she
is "chained" in marriage to this man, even in cases where
a civil divorce is in effect. She cannot remarry, have more children
or move on with her life while in this religious standing.
"The majority of Jews do not get a get because they don't think
it is important to their lives," said Dr. Isaac Skolnik, director
of Kayama.
"When they learn about it, and it becomes a matter of self-interest,
then they figure, 'Why not?' " Another aspect of the agunah
problem, Skolnik points out, concerns the purposeful withholding
of the get once other aspects of the civil divorce and property
settlement are progressing. Several women a month reach out to Kayama,
one of a few organizations in North America dedicated to solving
this problem, for assistance in convincing their recalcitrant husbands
to free them with a get.
In Israel, where all aspects of marriage and divorce are handled
by the beit din (rabbinical court), there is a special division
of the beit din dedicated to resolving cases that have been shuffled
around the rabbinical court system for three years, according to
Skolnik. In North America, by contrast, most divorcing parties are
not subject to the beit din (in absence of a prenuptial agreement
granting the beit din jurisdiction) and, even if they were, the
beit din lacks the ability to enforce its own decisions.
That's not to say that rabbis don't try to intervene on behalf of
agunot. In Montreal this past year, several spiritual leaders staged
a demonstration outside the home of Jacob Binson, who has refused
for years to give his former wife, Pearl Binson, a get.
"If a man is hurting a woman, every moral person must try to
intercede to help her," said Rabbi Michael Whitman, president
of the Rabbinical Council of Montreal. "The Torah says we cannot
stand idly by when anyone is being harmed."
Rabbi Shlomo Riskin of Efrat, Israel (who is touted as a founder
of American Modern Orthodox Judaism), wrote a book on the subject,
titled Women and Jewish Divorce. In it, he states that there
is not any reason for the halachic authorities today not to restore
a woman's unilateral and unlimited right to get out of a marriage
she finds intolerable. There are sufficient halachic grounds to
do it, according to Riskin.
But, overall, opinions on the get vary according to denomination.
The solution used by the Conservative movement is to annul marriages,
based on cases in the Talmud. In short, the concept is that all
Jewish betrothals are done with the consent of the rabbis, and the
annulment consists of the rabbis removing this consent if the recalcitrant
husband refuses to grant a get.
The Reform rabbinate does not require a get in order to perform
a marriage for a Jew who has been previously married. A civil divorce
is enough. The Reconstructionist movement does use a get but, in
the case of a woman whose husband refuses to give her a get, a Reconstructionist
beit din simply gives her a document that states that she is free
to remarry anyway. Clearly, this get is not obtained within the
parameters of halachah.
It is noteworthy that the Chief Rabbinate of Israel has approved
the use of prenuptial agreements. The Rabbinical Council of the
United States has also approved of their use. These agreements,
on the other hand, tend to give women a feeling of safety that is
not quite accurate. A guaranteed submission to the beit din is not
a guaranteed get. Moreover, surveys have shown that marrying couples
have an aversion to this approach since discussing divorce while
planning their wedding would be contrary to the feelings they share
for one another and could cause a rift.
– With files from Canadian Jewish News
Soriya Daniels is a Florida freelance writer.
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