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August 17, 2007
Divorce made easier
Author turns personal experience global.
OLGA LIVSHIN
There are books aplenty on how to bake a confetti cake, or how
to get married after 35, or how to quit your nine-to-five job and
become a freelancer. The self-help section in Chapters is stuffed
with step-by-step guides, on subjects from personal finances to
happiness and muscle toning. But before last month, there wasn't
a comprehensive guide to divorce. There were separate books concerning
divorce's legal issues, spiritual aspects, financial agreements
and children coping with their parents' separation, but a book covering
all facets of divorce didn't exist.
Deborah Moskovitch's The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and
Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers,
Counsellors and Other Experts fills that niche. Stemming from
the author's agonizing personal experience, the book offers common-sense
tips and provides specific instructions, tools and strategies from
top divorce authorities across North America. "Treat your divorce
as an opportunity to learn and grow," Moskovitch urges her
readers. "Take charge and stay sane through divorce."
Her road to writing the book began 11 years ago, with her own long
and painful break-up. By the time her divorce was finalized seven
years later, she had learned so much, had met so many professionals
– from therapists and family counsellors to lawyers and financial
coaches – that she wished to share her knowledge with others.
A small woman with a big heart, she wanted to ease the way for as
many divorcees as she could.
Word of mouth spread fast through Toronto. Finally, there was a
person who could help, who knew which specialists to consult and
what questions to ask. Sinking in the morass of their own divorces,
people started calling Moskovitch for advice.
She tried to assist everyone, listening to their stories, sharing
her hard-won knowledge and directing them to the required experts.
To improve the quality of her assistance, Moskovitch spent hours
researching the subject of divorce on the Internet. She also sought
the opinions of many matrimonial lawyers and psychologists in the
Toronto area. As a logical outcome of her exploration, one day,
three years ago, she decided to write down her knowledge. Unlike
her private chats with one person at a time, the book would simultaneously
reach the millions of Canadians who needed help with their divorces.
The idea for such a publication was almost revolutionary, so she
had no trouble finding a literary agent. Then the unexpected happened.
Her agent deemed Moskovitch's project too big for Canada alone.
He suggested she get in touch with leading family attorneys, parenting
experts and financial gurus in both the United States and Canada.
At first, she was terrified. She didn't know anyone outside the
Toronto area. But, dismissing her misgivings, she embarked on a
quest to get the insights of the high-profile experts on both sides
of the border. She had compiled a list of names from the Internet
and sent everyone an e-mail outlining her experience, her proposed
book and the topics she wanted to discuss. The response she received
was overwhelming. Twenty-five per cent of her correspondents replied
positively: they were glad to help, either via e-mail or through
a telephone conversation.
While still researching and writing, Moskovitch made another decision
that had shaped her life and the lives of her three children: she
quit her job and started her own consulting company in Toronto.
Like her book, the company is called the Smart Divorce. And, like
her book, it is unique, the only one in Canada: a pioneer in divorce
consulting.
Moskovitch's dominant message, is that, in any divorce, do what's
best for the children. Every other consideration is subordinate
to this main goal. Everything she recommends – to keep emotions
out of the legal proceedings, to discard the longing for revenge,
to adopt professional guidance, to treat divorce as a business transaction
– aims at a single target: to lessen the suffering of the children.
Moskovitch clearly follows her own advice. In a 40-minute interview,
she mentioned her three children and her concern about their welfare
at least a dozen times. "I asked my 18-year-old son whether
my divorce affected him," she recalled. "He said yes,
because he didn't have his own car yet. Well, I wouldn't buy him
a car at 18, even if I was married, so I have probably done my job
well."
Moskovitch is now considered one of the top divorce specialists
in Canada. She appears on TV and radio, is quoted in newspapers,
conducts workshops and participates in panel discussions. Her company's
clients include people of all ages, incomes, races and sexes. Christians,
Jews and Muslims, young and old, come to her for advice. "I'm
not judging anyone," she said. "I'm trying to help them
all to manage their divorces effectively."
Olga Livshin is a Vancouver freelance writer.
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