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August 23, 2002
Coming together for Shabbat
Singles and couples share the spirit of Judaism at Friday night
dinners.
BAILA LAZARUS EDITOR
It's a typical Friday night at a community centre on West 10th
Avenue. Several dozen Jewish singles and a few couples in their
20s, 30s and 40s are eating, conversing, laughing, singing and generally
enjoying a traditional Friday night dinner.
Rabbi Shmulik Yeshayahu, the current maestro of Jewish outreach
in the Lower Mainland, is leading some niggunim (tunes),
introducing people to one another and generally scurrying about
making sure everyone has enough to eat.
Welcome to Friday night at Shmulik's, the place to go when you're
looking for a warm Jewish ambience and friendly faces on a Friday
night.
"Come, enjoy yourself, have a nice dinner, a nice atmosphere
as one family," Yeshayahu encourages.
Yeshayahu, who also leads the Ohel Ya'akov Community Kollel, has
been bringing young people together through Friday night dinners,
Saturday night mingling and Sunday evening barbecues, not to mention
a series of speed-dating sessions, for just over a year. Participation
on Friday nights has jumped from the dozen or so people he and his
wife, Rivki, used to host at his house to the 50 or 60 who often
show up at the West 10th centre. People generally find out about
the event through speed-dating or word of mouth. And, although there
is a sense that this is a good place to meet Jewish singles in their
20s and 30s, there is no age restriction and couples are encouraged
to attend.
"When I came here, I didn't know [I'd be doing the dinners].
I just saw the need in the community," said Yeshayahu. "So
many people were going around not feeling part of the community.
And davening [praying] did not attract them. It's sad. It's good
to get together with Jewish people on a Friday night and sing together,
to socialize."
At Yeshayahu's, every Friday dinner is preceded by services and
it's a nice way to be introduced to davening, as many of the attendees
are novices at praying, as well.
Besides the Jewish atmosphere, Yeshayahu knows this is as good a
place as any to meet your basherte (soulmate).
"If you have dinner with 40 or 50 people, maybe you'll find
a future wife/husband," he said. "Some people go every
Friday night – it's a part of their schedule."
A nice place to meet
One of those people who tries to attend Shabbat dinners every Friday
is Asher Isak. Originally from Montreal where he had been involved
in the Jewish community, Isak, 35, moved out west with a job transfer.
He's been in Vancouver for more than two years working in the film
industry. Isak found out about Fridays at Shmulik's, as it's become
familiarly known, a few months ago and tries to attend every week.
"Meeting the Jewish people here gives me a sense a family,"
he said. "Before that there was really no social life. Now
I've connected. It's nice to see people similar to you. I no longer
feel like an East Coaster, I feel like a part of the tribe. Socially,
it's really made a huge difference."
Isak said he has always participated in High Holiday services and
still goes to Friday night services before the dinners, partly "because
it helps me practice my Hebrew."
Isak encourages even those people with little connection to Judaism
to come out.
"It's an awesome idea. It keeps you in the loop and it keeps
you in the tradition. It doesn't matter how much you follow Judaism,
it's the tradition that's wonderful.
"I basically did it for the social part," he continued.
"I met some interesting people. There's a bit of a networking
aspect, too. One doctor invited me to a symposium, another person
invited me paragliding and the first time I went out I even got
a job offer. It's good all around."
Elena Tamarkina first heard about the Friday night dinners when
she attended a Sukkot party at the West Side Café. She met
Yeshayahu there who offered her an invitation.
Originally from Moscow, Tamarkina has lived in Vancouver for three
years. She moved here to study at the University of British Columbia
and currently works in its biochemistry department. She decided
to go to the Friday night gathering to connect with fellow Jews.
"I wanted to be an active participant in the life of the Jewish
community, religious and non-religious events," said Tamarkina.
"Also, I wanted to meet more Jewish people, especially my peers."
In addition to attending Friday night dinners, Tamarkina has also
attended lectures at the Jewish Community Centre of Greater Vancouver,
as well as two barbecues and other singles parties.
"I don't consider Shabbat evening only a religious event,"
she said. "For me, it is also the end of a long week, the moment
of rest, the time of joy and spirit. One of the purposes of Friday
night dinner is the release from weekday concerns and routine pressure.
Also, it is a great time for Jewish people to be together."
Sat-sung Kalman has also been participating in the Shabbat dinners.
The 33-year-old lawyer grew up in a family that was not very observant.
When a friend told her of the dinners, she was immediately interested.
She lives in Kitsilano and, being more observant now than she was
when she was growing up, she was looking for a place where she could
go to Friday services and walk home.
"I really wanted to get more involved and I wasn't aware of
things going on in the Kits area," she said. "It was the
perfect thing at the perfect time."
Kalman, a self-described "irregular regular" who goes
to the Yeshayahus' dinners once or twice a month, said she is interested
in finding a partner who is Jewish. As with so many other singles
in the Jewish community, finding places to make those connections
is not always easy. Though she goes to synagogue on a regular basis,
she found the people there were generally older and she rarely did
anything social with them.
"People at my work are not Jewish so, unless I make efforts
to do something in the Jewish community, I'd have a hard time meeting
someone who's Jewish," she said. "For me, Friday night
dinners are great because I actually meet a lot of people my age.
"So I'd say, if you don't know anybody [in the community],
that's all the more reason to go."
Connect with others
Across English Bay from Kits, in a small West End apartment, Rory
Richards also plays host to about a dozen or so Shabbat dinner-goers.
The 25-year-old has been inviting people into her home on Friday
nights for about a year.
"Shabbat is very meaningful for me personally and is the highlight
of my week," Richards explained. "It is a privilege to
bring Shabbat into my home and to share the experience with others.
"It has come to mean a lot to the people that attend and, like
with Shmulik and Rivki's Friday dinners, people come to rely on
the invitations and take comfort in knowing that they have a place
to go on Shabbat where they feel welcomed and at home."
On any given evening, the eclectic mix of guests may include a rabbi,
a Jewish person in their 20s that Richards may have just met that
day downtown, a film director in town from Los Angeles, an Iraqi
belly dancer, a retired Israeli colonel, a Jamaican Jew, a couple
of people from Or Shalom, where Richards is a member, and a few
friends from the Michael and Rory parties – Jewish Love Potion,
Aviva Las Vegas and Club Schmooze – organized by Michael Horowitz
and Richards.
"A lot of the time there are people that you wouldn't usually
have the opportunity to meet or ever expect to see sitting around
a Shabbat table talking late into the night about myriad interesting
topics," she said. "Conversations cover the spectrum of
human nature, religion, politics, Israel, Torah, relationships,
dating, our local community and, of course, sometimes just hilarious
nonsense."
Richards sees the Shabbat dinners as a means of bringing Jewish
people together at a social, as well as spiritual, level.
"Shabbat is truly the melting pot for all Jewish people,"
she said. "It binds us to God, to our faith, tradition, history
and to each other. I have no doubt that that these Shabbat dinners
and the connections people make with each other and themselves are
serving a higher purpose."
Besides the Yeshayahus' and Richards' Shabbat gatherings, there
is no shortage of places to go if you are looking for somewhere
to connect with other Jews on a Friday night. Many rabbis in the
Lower Mainland open their homes to guests who are looking for that
spiritual bond with those of a similar faith, a place to discuss
Torah and participate in services or maybe just a place to unwind
at the end of the week in a relaxed social setting with other Jews.
And, who knows, if you have dinner with 40 or 50 people, just maybe
you'll find your basherte.
For information on the Yeshayahus' dinners, call 604-780-5878. The
community centre is located at 3214 West 10th Ave. Donations (prior
to Shabbat) and sponsors are welcome. Though the centre holds several
dozen people, Yeshayahu requests that individuals call and let him
know a few days beforehand if they wish to attend.
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