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April 15, 2011
Forum talks openly on sex
Jewish Seniors Alliance features an intimate aspect of health.
DENA DAWSON
Sex and the City. The television show? No. The movie? No. So what was it? It was title of the Jewish Seniors Alliance’s annual spring forum this year, which was held on March 27 at Congregation Beth Israel.
The keynote speaker was Dr. Pega Ren, a sex therapist and family relationship counselor in Vancouver since 1988. One myth she busted was that sexuality changes as we age. In fact, she said, human beings are sexual from cradle to grave. She noted that sexuality can go through hard times when a couple is young, raising children and working hard, but for those who hold on during the difficult years, the payoff is great.
She then led a discussion of the formula “attraction + obstacles = arousal.” An example of obstacles in this case was an intimate note left at home before the beginning of a business trip or even a day away. Building obstacles can help improve a sex life that may have become boring, explained Ren, who got the audience involved by asking them questions. For wrong answers, condoms were tossed out as consolation prizes.
Ren reported that most couples over 60 describe their relationship as better than good. They often set aside a weekend, they allowed themselves to be vulnerable, and laughter was present; they didn’t take themselves too seriously.
Then there are those who live alone. When widowed, or single by choice, it is easy to stay cocooned, she noted. However, said Ren, it is particularly important for women past menopause to masturbate regularly, and she recommended the purchase of a vibrator, as masturbation keeps the tissues healthy.
After Ren’s presentation, there were smaller group sessions to which audience members could go according to their interest.
Dr. Larry Goldenberg, professor and head of urologic sciences at the University of British Columbia, spoke on men’s health. He noted that men need to be more educated about their personal health. He pointed out that there are only three men’s health departments in universities but more than 300 for women. Innate male recklessness, he said, leading to a neglect of correct eating habits, smoking and a lack of exercise, makes men more vulnerable to cardiac failure, accidents and other disasters. He stressed the importance and ease of physical self-examination and gave appropriate websites to consult.
Dr. Mel Krajden gave an in-depth talk on sexually transmitted diseases to another group. Among his many professional roles, Krajden is the medical director of B.C. Hepatitis Services, B.C. Centre for Disease Control, and a professor of pathology and laboratory medicine at UBC. His talk included information about hepatitis A, B and C, and HIV, which he described as a chronic disease. In his conclusion, he noted that we celebrate the positive and fulfilling sexuality of the over-50s, but we have to hear another message: disease can happen at any age. He stressed the need to practise safe sex, prevent what is preventable and obtain early diagnosis so that early treatment can reduce the risk of transmission.
The third group focused on how to talk to your grandchildren about sexual health. Meg Hickling, a retired registered nurse who taught sexual health for more than 30 years, led this discussion. She has also written several books on the subject, and she spoke entertainingly on the importance of educating children in this area. Among the benefits, she said, is that it helps prevent them from being victims of sexual abuse.
All of the groups returned to the main room, chattering with excitement. It was hard for the emcee, Stephen Kaplan, to get a word in, so he changed into his alter ego, Dr. Strange, and did a few magic tricks, which refocused the crowd. There was socializing and a nosh after the forum, which also featured door prizes, and, before leaving, everyone had the chance to bid on some beautiful painted canes.
Dena Dawson is a Vancouver freelance writer.
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