|
|
April 20, 2007
What to say, what to do?
Proper etiquette is important when it comes to Internet dating.
BAILA LAZARUS
This is the seventh in a monthly series on Internet dating,
as well as general dating dos and don'ts.
In the last column, I looked at how to initiate contact, using free
"winks" and "smiles," e-mails and instant chats,
so now we need to know: what happens after you put up a profile
and people start contacting you? What is your obligation to respond?
On many sites, if you've just put up a new profile online, there
might be a little flag on it, making it stand out for other people
who are just browsing. With a good profile and picture, you could
start getting "hits" within your first day. In other words,
someone might send you a smile, wink or e-mail.
And what happens if you send some free smiles out yourself in order
to make contact with other members of the site, all the planets
happen to align that week, and they all respond? Is there some dating
response etiquette that can be applied?
Here are a few rules of thumb:
• If you initiated contact by sending someone a free smile
or a wink or e-mail, you're telling them you're interested. If they
follow up by sending something in response, it's fair to say you
should keep the conversation going. In other words, don't leave
someone hanging in mid-air – you initiated the contact, so
there's obviously something about them you like. If something they
said in their response made you change your mind about meeting,
then at least e-mail them back to say so.
• If someone has paid to initiate contact with you, such as
by sending an e-mail, and you can answer for free, then send them
a response. If you are not interested in meeting, it's fine to say
so. Try something like, "Thank you for your e-mail, but I'm
not interested in meeting. Good luck." If the individual then
asks why you are not interested, you don't have to answer at this
point, otherwise you might get dragged into a conversation that
has no end, and that you didn't start.
• If someone sent you a wink or smile for free, and you are
not interested in meeting, simply ignore it. After all, responding
in kind would send the wrong message and, if you want to send a
detailed message of explanation, you would have to pay for an e-mail.
• Keep in mind what I mentioned in an earlier column: there
is an unfortunate double standard that exists in paid dating sites.
If a woman winks or sends a smile to a guy, if he's interested,
he's expected to buy time or credits to initiate contact through
on-site e-mail. If a man winks at a woman, she's expected to wink
back if she's interested, and then he's expected to buy time or
credits, etc.
• On free sites, this is all moot. Since no one has to dip
into their wallet to initiate contact, e-mails can fly back and
forth at the speed of ADSL, and you can even open up instant chat
windows to "talk" to each other in real time. That means
responding to e-mail is totally up to you. If you don't want to
meet someone, and you have the time to reply, send a polite "Thanks,
but I'm not interested"; if not, don't worry about it. But
if someone looks like they put a lot of effort into reading your
profile and composing a letter to you, then that would rank in the
be-polite-and-answer-them-at-least category.
• Finally, you might find yourself in the lucky predicament
of getting several e-mails from different people at the same time,
and you want to meet them all. Depending on how serious you want
to be in a new relationship, you might just make a date with one
of them and see how that goes; or you might make dates with all
of them and see how that goes. In either case, don't leave people
hanging. Let them know if you can meet or not. Be polite and be
honest.
Next column: Where to go after first contact?
Baila Lazarus is an Internet dating coach. Visit www.tastierdates.com
for more information. Register for online dating at jisinglesbc.com.
^TOP
|
|
