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Category: Life

Can we all get along?

Can we all get along?

Women of the Wall was founded as a minyan of women from different movements coming together on common ground for Rosh Chodesh. (photo by Michal Patelle via Wikimedia Commons)

In April 2015 – in the aftermath of the death of 25-year-old African-American Freddie Gray inside a police van after being arrested by the Baltimore Police Department, followed by days of riots in Baltimore, Md. – African-American street gangs, the Bloods and Crips, stood side-by-side against police brutality. The Baltimore Sun, and several national papers and social media outlets, carried photographs of the members of the typically warring gangs posing together, with captions about the gangs being determined to “unite for a common good.”

Tzippi Shaked, author of Three Ladies, Three Lattes: Percolating Discussions in the Holy Land, believes that the case of the Bloods and Crips unifying together is a valuable lesson for the Jewish community, in which there are frequent divisions along religious lines. This was echoed by Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu in his annual Rosh Hashanah greeting last year, in which he urged Jewish unity by working “together … [to] build our Jewish state – because we’re united, proud of our past and committed to our future.”

Can Jewish people of different religious denominations truly unite and work together for a common good?

The concept of Jewish unity is one that comes up around the High Holidays due to the Torah portions read before the holidays: Nitzavim and Vayelech. In Nitzavim, we read, “Today, you are all standing before God your Lord; your leaders, your tribal chiefs … even your woodcutters and water drawers.” (Deuteronomy 29:9) Eighteenth-century Rabbi Schneur Zalman explained this in his famous work Likkutei Torah as all Jews standing equally and united before God despite their differences.

Vayelech also concludes when Moses addresses “the entire assembly of Israel” (Deuteronomy 29:1) in a unified manner. Such a colorful image is harder to picture today, when headlines and op-eds tend to stress divisiveness, and the parts over the whole.

“I come from a family with a Charedi brother. I am Modern Orthodox. I have a sister who is secular. Growing up, my father was secular and my mom religious. If we can pull it off under one roof, I believe so can society in general,” said Shaked.

photo - Moses speaks to the Children of Israel.  An illustration from The Boys of the Bible by Hartwell James, published by Henry Altemus Company, 1905 and 1916
Moses speaks to the Children of Israel.  An illustration from The Boys of the Bible by Hartwell James, published by Henry Altemus Company, 1905 and 1916. (photo from Wikimedia Commons)

Shaked, together with one Charedi and one secular woman, spent two and a half years discussing the topics that divide and unite Jewish women, and then embarked on a mission to teach others that, while Jews might not always agree ideologically, politically or religiously, they can be united. This is the topic of her book.

Rabbi Joel Oseran, vice-president emeritus for international development at the World Union for Progressive Judaism, said that, in his experience, it is “rare to see the common good having the highest value,” especially in Israel, where “the playing field among denominations is not level at all.”

“When I am right and you are wrong, how can there be diversity?” Oseran asked. “You have to allow for more than one way to be right in order to respect diversity.”

Shaked disagreed, saying that unity and friendship have little to do with accepting others’ opinions or hoping to change them.

“It’s naive to think that anyone will change his or her mind,” she said, and it has more to do with a belief that people can become friends in spite of differences in levels of religious observance.

“It is very easy to rip apart the other. It is very difficult to look for the positive,” she said. “Irrespective of which religious background you come from, you have to ask yourself, do I look to build bridges or do I look to inflame?”

This has been Marne Rochester’s modus operandi. An active Conservative Jew, Rochester moved to Israel 26 years ago. In the Jewish state, she maintains her Conservative identity, while sending her daughter to a religious school and praying at a variety of different synagogues. She is most active in a Jerusalem Masorti (Conservative) congregation, but she also attends a Sephardi, egalitarian minyan.

“I think Conservative and Orthodox, and Conservative and Reform, have a lot in common,” said Rochester. “Both the Orthodox and Conservative movements are halachic movements. We just see the interpretation more liberally than the Orthodox.”

When it comes to daily life, she said it’s easy to get along, especially in Israel, where Conservative congregants tend to follow more of the movement’s code of conduct, as opposed to the United States, where “a lot of people who belong to Conservative shuls don’t necessarily go by what the movement says.”

Rochester has Orthodox friends willing to eat in her home and share Shabbat together with her.

But, Rochester, who takes part in monthly Women of the Wall ceremonies at the Kotel, said the biggest differentiator between the Orthodox and the Conservative is the role of women in public Judaism and the synagogue. While in Orthodox Judaism women take a back step to men in religious life, “since my bat mitzvah, I read from the Torah, lead services, put on a tallit and tefillin,” she noted. “But, I feel like in my neighborhood, we all get along. We all respect each other and don’t check each other’s tzitzit.”

Rochester added that Women of the Wall was founded as a minyan of women from different movements coming together on common ground for Rosh Chodesh. While it has become a major media focus, and a point of divisiveness between Jews in the Diaspora, in Israel, at its core, “You have Orthodox, Reform and Conservative women all together – that is such a powerful, beautiful thing.”

Oseran said he wishes he would see more leaders taking a stance in the direction of unity.

“I am not optimistic from the top down,” he said, but admitted positive steps are percolating on a grassroots level.

“There are many Orthodox Jews who understand there is more than one way to be Jewish and are prepared to bridge some of the differences in order to be stronger together,” he said, noting that Israelis could learn a lot from the Jewish Federations of North America movement, which is built on a sense of a collective Jewish community in which any Jewish people can fit and find their place.

“How do you create a building bridges mindset?” Shaked asked. “Take the time to make yourself available to talk to others. Be open to meeting people.… We all have to take the plunge.”

She also recommends celebrating the successes of others and volunteering in communities different than your own.

Harkening back to the unity established by the Bloods and Crips in the wake of the Baltimore riots in 2015, Shaked said she read a study published more than 20 years ago by the Simon Wiesenthal Centre that found that gang members cannot unify by simply learning about one another through movies, being told positive messages about one another, or even through dialogue. Rather, they need to work together on a common project. By working for a common goal, the Bloods and Crips found unity.

“I ask this Rosh Hashanah to join with all Israelis, with friends of Israel, with the Jewish people everywhere in wishing for a better future,” said Netanyahu is his previous Rosh Hashanah address.

“I believe these friendships can be struck. I have seen it and I live it,” Shaked said.

To read more from JNS.org, click here.

Format ImagePosted on September 23, 2016September 21, 2016Author Maayan Jaffe-Hoffman JNS.ORGCategories Celebrating the HolidaysTags Charedi, Conservative, High Holidays, Jewish values, Judaism, Masorti, Orthodox, Reform
Ways to engage teens

Ways to engage teens

Free Spirit Experience helps troubled teens “restart” their lives. (photo from freespiritexperience.org)

Adolescence is a time of transition and confusion and teens themselves often don’t understand what’s happening. They frequently send mixed messages and get angry when adults do the same. They want to be independent and strong, but they also need adults’ physical and emotional support. Navigating the turbulent landscape of the teenage experience can be equally challenging for teens and the adults in their lives.

photo - Dr. Tamir Rotman, founder of Free Spirit Experience
Dr. Tamir Rotman, founder of Free Spirit Experience. (photo from freespiritexperience.org)

Although it can be compelling to dismiss their experiences, making the effort to understand teens can have an enormous impact on their ability to channel their energy, passion and idealism. When teens are feeling confident, clear, safe and supported, they can accomplish incredible things.

Like any other effort to improve, consistency is key. With a little understanding, compassion and sensitive and intentional practices, you can improve your relationship and help your teen tap into their potential.

Dr. Tamir Rotman, clinical psychologist and founder of Free Spirit Experience, which helps troubled teens “restart” their lives, shares his advice on how to improve communication and connection with your teen.

  1. Go with their flow. Pay attention to when they need you close by and when they want some distance. Give them choice to connect by saying, “I’ll be around if you need me.” This is a great way to be available without imposing on them.
  2. Be an anchor of stability. Although they may fight you on it, for teens, stability is safety. Be predictable, in a good way, so they can rely on you when they need to.
  3. Start young. If you want them to feel safe to talk to you, it’s important to start listening to them when they are young children. Be curious about the things that interest them and know enough about their interests to ask relevant questions. This effectively says, “I am interested in you, I care.” If it’s late in the game, you can still earn their trust, but you will have to show genuine and persistent interest for them to buy it and take you seriously.
  4. Listen during a conflict. If you really listen and try to understand them, they will try to listen to you, too. Even when you’re sure you’ve heard it all already or that they are trying to rock the boat, stay curious. Genuinely ask them what happened to truly seek to understand where they are coming from.
  5. Validate their feelings. It’s crucial to validate their feelings. It’s a very common mistake to start by giving advice or explaining yourself or the other person involved. However, that will only alienate your teen and make them feel more isolated. Always start by acknowledging their experience and their side. You can say, “It must be really difficult/sad/frustrating to…,” so they hear that you are interested in understanding them and they have a safe space to be heard.
  6. Be proactive. Reach out to your teen when you see that they are struggling. Find a good time to say, “I see that you are having a tough time and I really want to help.” Don’t be afraid to be creative, ask for outside help, and use trial and error with your teen to find a solution.
  7. Be patient. Trust yourself and be patient with the process. Even when your teen is acting stormy, just know that the turbulence reflects their thoughts. Do your best to have compassion for your teen and for yourself. Involve your teen in the process in whatever way possible. The best solutions come when change comes from a conscious choice.
Format ImagePosted on September 23, 2016September 21, 2016Author IMP Group Ltd.Categories LifeTags at-risk youth, family life, teenagers
This week’s cartoon … Sept. 16/16

This week’s cartoon … Sept. 16/16

For more cartoons, visit thedailysnooze.com.

Format ImagePosted on September 16, 2016September 15, 2016Author Jacob SamuelCategories The Daily SnoozeTags e-cigarette, genie, thedailysnooze.com
This week’s cartoon … Sept. 9/16

This week’s cartoon … Sept. 9/16

For more cartoons, visit thedailysnooze.com.

Format ImagePosted on September 9, 2016September 7, 2016Author Jacob SamuelCategories The Daily SnoozeTags dinosaurs, thedailysnooze.com
This week’s cartoon … Sept. 2/16

This week’s cartoon … Sept. 2/16

For more cartoons, visit thedailysnooze.com.

Format ImagePosted on September 2, 2016August 31, 2016Author Jacob SamuelCategories The Daily SnoozeTags donkey, fence, thedailysnooze.com, zebra

Benefit of weekly fast

Recent studies are again pointing to the potential of weekly intermittent fasting, where one greatly reduces or eliminates calories on a set number of weekdays, to fight disease and prolong life. Jewish tradition has long advocated weekly intermittent fasting, though the practice has become rare today. Maybe it’s time to bring it back.

“Periodic fasting shows the most promise in getting rid of bad cells and making good ones for regeneration and can be applied to all kinds of diseases,” Valter Longo, director of the Longevity Institute at University of Southern California, told the Washington Post.

Variations of periodic fasting have become popular, such as the 5:2 diet, which advocates five days of normal eating and two days of restricting calories by 75%. Studies suggest that such fasting may be beneficial for treating autoimmune diseases, asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, metabolic syndrome, and even cancer.

The 5:2 diet is associated with Mark Mosley, a BBC journalist who popularized it in the United Kingdom. In the United States, a more restrictive version of the diet, known as the “every other day diet,” which advocates restricting normal calorie intake by 75% every other day, has been studied and championed by Dr. Krista Varady at the University of Illinois at Chicago. Though she cautions that the 5:2 diet will only work if one does not binge on the other five days, an effect she says is avoided more easily on the “every other day” fast for reasons still being studied.

All of this reminds me of the ancient Jewish practice known as the Behab fast. Behab is formed of the Hebrew letters bet-hey-bet, numerically two-five-two, which refers to the second day of the week (Monday), the fifth (Thursday) and again the second (Monday). Without the repetition of the Mondays, the name of the diet is basically the 2:5 diet (5:2 read from left to right, ahem), though there is no known connection between Moses and Mosley.

Despite there being other fast days during the Jewish year, growing up, I had never heard of any fasts outside of the dreaded Yom Kippur deprivation, and my family’s idea of intermittent fasting was restricting oneself to little noshes between fresses. On family vacations, the favorite topic around the restaurant table was where we were going to go for the next meal. If the Behab is correctly thought of as an Ashkenazi custom, my family had long forgotten it.

For centuries, the Behab fast was used in the Ashkenazi world for repenting for inadvertent sins throughout the week – “advertent” sins would get their own specific fasts. The choice of days corresponds to the days the Torah is read, not counting Shabbat, of course, when fasting is not done. The custom of reading Torah Monday and Thursday refers to the belief that those are the days of the week Moses ascended Mount Sinai and descended again, respectively.

Despite the association with Ashkenazi custom, the Behab fast goes back earlier than Jewish settlement in Europe and is probably the fasting mentioned in the New Testament, which Jesus criticized as an attention grab. The early Christian Didache, a manual of discipline that almost made it into the Christian Bible, admonishes its readers not to do as the hypocrites (read “Pharisees”) do and fast Monday and Thursday, but rather to fast Wednesday and Friday! Among Jews, the fast was eventually restricted to periods following Pesach and Sukkot and, in recent centuries, has become obscure.

The original purpose of the Behab fast was not weight loss, of course, but repentance and spiritual purification. Regardless of where one falls on the spectrum of Jewish belief, it’s easy to envision fasting a couple of days a week as an act of repentance in our (culinary) consumer culture, and one of walking more lightly on the burdened earth – and it just might add a few years to our lives.

Matthew Gindin is a Vancouver freelance writer and journalist. He blogs on spirituality and social justice at seeking her voice (hashkata.com) and has been published in the Forward, Tikkun, Elephant Journal and elsewhere.

Posted on August 26, 2016August 25, 2016Author Matthew GindinCategories LifeTags Behab, diet, fasting, health, Judaism, Mosley
Mystery photo … Aug. 26/16

Mystery photo … Aug. 26/16

Hillel House, University of British Columbia, circa 1990. (photo from JWB fonds, JMABC L.11126)

photo in Jewish Independent - These photos were taken at Hillel House, University of British Columbia, circa 1990
These photos were taken at Hillel House, University of British Columbia, circa 1990. (photo from JWB fonds, JMABC L.11122)

If you know someone in these photos, please help the JI fill the gaps of its predecessor’s (the Jewish Western Bulletin’s) collection at the Jewish Museum and Archives of B.C. by contacting archives@jewishmuseum.ca or 604-257-5199. To find out who has been identified in the photos, visit jewishmuseum.ca/blog.

Format ImagePosted on August 26, 2016August 25, 2016Author JI and JMABCCategories Mystery PhotoTags Hillel, JMABC
This week’s cartoon … Aug. 19/16

This week’s cartoon … Aug. 19/16

For more cartoons, visit thedailysnooze.com.

Format ImagePosted on August 19, 2016August 18, 2016Author Jacob FoxCategories The Daily SnoozeTags protest, rally, thedailysnooze.com, time travel
Mystery photo … July 22/16

Mystery photo … July 22/16

Outside the Jewish Community Centre of Greater Vancouver, 1950. (photo from JWB fonds, JMABC L.11151)

If you know someone in this photo, please help the JI fill the gaps of its predecessor’s (the Jewish Western Bulletin’s) collection at the Jewish Museum and Archives of B.C. by contacting archives@jewishmuseum.ca or 604-257-5199. To find out who has been identified in the photos, visit jewishmuseum.ca/blog.

Format ImagePosted on July 22, 2016July 19, 2016Author JI and JMABCCategories Mystery PhotoTags JCC, Jewish Community Centre, JMABC
The Jewish holiday of love

The Jewish holiday of love

Since it takes place in summer, Tu b’Av has become popular for open-air events. A local example is the JNF Future’s annual Summer Sail, for which guests are encouraged to follow the tradition of wearing white.

Picture this potentially risqué scene: “… the daughters of Jerusalem used to go out … and dance in the vineyards [and] whoever did not have a wife would go there.”

Surprisingly, perhaps, this description is in the Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Taanit, 31a. In the days before internet dating sites and apps, speed-dating or singles bars, this was how Jewish singles met up at least once a year, on Tu b’Av. Welcome to the Jewish day of romance, Temple-times style.

Maybe it didn’t go as far as the cliché “clothes make the [wo]man,” but even back then, it apparently mattered what you wore to the vineyard. The bachelorettes decked out in white. If a single woman didn’t have white clothes, she’d borrow from someone else. In fact, the tractate describes this nice touch – everyone borrowed, so that no one felt embarrassed if they didn’t have something.

Presumably, wearing white at night had its advantages, too, as it made the women stand out in the moonlit vineyard. Moreover, when we think “white,” most of us think purity and, associatively, virginity, which brings us to this: wearing white underscores the next step, the Jewish wedding. At this ceremony, both the bride and the groom traditionally wear white – the groom (chatan, in Hebrew) puts on a white robe (kittel) or a prayer shawl (tallit) and the bride wears a white dress.

The writings of medieval Jewish scholars like Rabbi Aaron ben Jacob ha-Kohen and Rabbi ben Solomon ibn Abi Zimra (the Radbaz) suggest that wearing white at Jewish wedding ceremonies is a very old custom. They write that one’s wedding day is like a personal Yom Kippur, when the bride and groom’s sins are forgiven. Thus, the wearing of white becomes a proof-text for the line from Isaiah 1:18: “If your sins prove to be like crimson, they will become white as snow.”

Jewish scholars actually connect Yom Kippur and Tu b’Av. Unexpectedly, the Talmud claims that Tu b’av is as important as Yom Kippur in at least one way: “Rabbi Shimon b. Gavriel said: There were no days as joyous in Israel like the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur.” (Taanit 26b)

Chag Haahava, the Holiday of Love, or Tu b’Av (the 15th day of the Jewish month of Av), falls just six days after we mournfully recall that, on Tisha b’Av (Ninth of Av), both the First and Second Temples were destroyed, and numerous other Jewish catastrophes occurred. Here again, we link Tu b’Av to another Jewish wedding custom – the breaking of the glass, recalling the Temples’ destruction.

According to Tractate Taanit (30b-31a), the 15th of Av also joyously commemorates a number of other events in early Jewish history:

(1) This day marked the end of the “wilderness” generation; that is, the end of G-d’s punishing with death the Hebrews who had been the contemporaries of the spies who lacked the requisite faith for conquering the land (Numbers 14: 29-35). The 40 years of desert wandering ceased at this point and the children of the exiles entered Canaan.

(2) On 15 Av, G-d lifted the restriction on intermarriage between members of the 12 tribes.

(3) G-d reinstated the tribe of Benjamin, which He had banned for the tribesmen’s gang rape in Gibeah of a visiting concubine, who subsequently died.

(4) During the Temple period, the task of providing firewood for sacrifices ended on 15 Av, when the woodcutters would ceremoniously break their axes.

(5) Hosea, son of Elah, the last king of the Northern Kingdom, permitted travel to Jerusalem’s Holy Temple for the pilgrimage holidays.

(6) This day also marks when permission was given to bury those killed by the Romans at the Betar fortress.

While the Shulchan Aruch (Code of Jewish Law) doesn’t specify any particular customs for Tu b’Av, it does indicate that, as with other joyous days in the Jewish year, Jews should skip reciting tachanun (confession of sins) on this day.

Given the injunction to “be fruitful and multiply,” it is not hard to understand why this ancient holiday was judged to be so important. Indeed, one could make the claim that the holiday’s timing is hardly coincidental. It comes when the moon is full, reminding us that its cycle parallels women’s 28-day reproductive cycle.

Moreover, on a spiritual level, the sun’s illumination of the full moon suggests a cosmic union of the masculine and feminine – a kesher (Hebrew for connection) between G-d and His Divine Presence (Shekhinah). Rabbi Dr. Jill Hammer writes: “In the Zohar, the full moon signals the time when the

Divine womb creates pure and blessed souls. It is the time when the moon and sun, which, in kabbalist thought, represent the feminine and masculine faces of G-d, are most in contact. The Zohar [notes] that, at the full moon, the Shekhinah is called a field of apples, while at the dark moon, she is called field of anatot [poverty].”

It is somewhat ironic that this great holiday was not celebrated in Israel until recently. But Israelis seem to be making up for lost time. As Tu b’Av approaches, articles on the true meaning of love appear on a variety of websites, in ultra-Orthodox through to humanistic Judaism posts. Moreover, the day has evolved into a favorite Jewish Israeli wedding date – to get married on this day, couples must make their wedding arrangements far in advance.

As Tu b’Av falls in the summertime – this year, it starts the evening of Aug. 18 – it is ideal for outdoor events. Hence, the holiday has become popular for open-air evening concerts and all-day festivals.

As we become more of a global community, it is not surprising that modern Tu b’Av rituals have been influenced by Valentine’s Day accoutrements. Indeed, Tu b’Av art often mimics Valentine’s Day graphics, Israeli magazines guide people to romantic getaways, Israeli newspapers recommend places to feast on heart-shaped ravioli or splurge on rich chocolate mousse desserts or get tipsy on Pink Monica cocktails.

Anyone interested in learning more about Jewish rituals for celebrating Tu b’Av, however, can start their research at ritualwell.org.

Deborah Rubin Fields is an Israel-based features writer. She is also the author of Take a Peek Inside: A Child’s Guide to Radiology Exams, published in English, Hebrew and Arabic.

Format ImagePosted on July 22, 2016July 19, 2016Author Deborah Rubin FieldsCategories Celebrating the HolidaysTags love, Tu b’Av, Valentine's Day

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