Generations at forum

BINNY GOLDMAN

“Families are the compass that guides us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter.”
– Brad Henry

As I sat listening to all the outpourings of the lives lived, then and now, by the young and not so young, I was struck by the thread that linked all of the stories, all of the panelists – the love of family, the need of belonging to family, and the strength that family gives you no matter how far apart you may be from them.

Even the keynote speaker at the Jewish Seniors Alliance of Greater Vancouver Spring Forum on April 21, Meg Hickling, noted author and a sexual-health educator, shared anecdotes of her grandchildren asking questions at sometimes inopportune moments and offered advice as to how to answer them truthfully, thoughtfully and appropriately.

Hickling also shared that the forum would be her last speaking engagement, as she was officially retiring (perhaps to devote more time to her family, and her adoring grandchildren). She cautioned the grandparents at the forum – whose theme was “All in the Family: Three Generations Speak Out” – to always make sure that the parents of the children are on the same page as you in their thinking, and to constantly reassure the child asking questions that he/she can always turn to you for advice, comfort and information.

The first panelist, Dr. Anneliese Robens, also a grandparent, gave tips on grandparenting, reminding those in attendance at the Peretz Centre for Secular Jewish Culture that we are models for our grandchildren to emulate. She said that staying in touch is of prime importance and, if you don’t live in the same city as your grandchildren, to use Skype or record stories to send them in order to stay connected. She urged us to make sure that all visits were mutually happy, pointing out that unconditional love and caring bestowed will remain in their hearts.

The next presenter, Bernie Simpson, another grandparent, admitted that the best gifts he has been given are the three grandchildren he has and upon whom he dotes. It was they who taught him how to really care, he said, to love and feel, and to express his emotions. He suggested the need for a review of priorities if you find yourself working constantly and spending little time with your family.

Panelist Daniella Givon, a Sabra, said that distance should not be a deterrent to ensuring that grandchildren feel the love that their grandparents want to convey. Through Skype, phone calls and extended visits, she said that, in her experience, the physical distance can be overcome quite successfully.

The next speaker, Dr. Peter Lutsky, shared a bit about family life in Edmonton, where his parents established their home and raised their family with Jewish values. Lutksy echoed Robens’ comment, but with respect to how parents are role models for their children. He said that his children are now getting ready to test their wings, flying off to universities of their choice. That their roots have been well established should hold them in good stead as they mature and make their way into the world, he said.

Teenager Yaakov Bellas was also on the panel. He expressed that he feels fortunate to have all four grandparents and three great-grandparents in his life. He said his grandparents encourage him in all that he does, telling him he is “great,” even when he knows it is mainly for his comfort. His grandparents’ validation gives him motivation to try to succeed, he said.

The youngest presenter was Maglee Blumenkrans, a poised young lady of 12. Enjoying both cooking and athletics, she said she exchanges recipes and goes swimming with her grandparents, among other activities. She said she wants to base her future on what she has learned from her grandparents.

The final two speakers at the forum were cousins Rachel Kahn, 17, and Kira Smordin, almost 17. They demonstrated the bond of family, in part, by choosing to present together. They both attend King David High School, in Grade 11, and enjoy traveling and family outings. Having shared a grandfather, the late Leon Kahn, they shared some stories about the fun they had with him and his unconditional love.

One of their favorite memories, they said, is of going into their bubbie’s closet and trying on her countless shoes. They laughed as they recollected playing with something they thought was a stuffed toy animal, but which turned out to be a fur coat. Their grandparents had a huge impact on both their lives, they said.

The entire afternoon demonstrated “mi dor l’dor,” “from generation to generation.” It took many hours of planning and preparation by various volunteers to put together. Karon and Stan Shear have videotaped the presentations, which appear on the Jewish Seniors Alliance website (jsalliance.org) for those who were not able to attend, or who would like to revisit aspects of this year’s spring forum.

Binny Goldman is a member of the Jewish Seniors Alliance of Greater Vancouver board.

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