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May 15, 2009
Putting their children first
A family celebrates life in the face of disability and ill health.
CYNTHIA RAMSAY
When I arrived to interview the Pawer family, the kids, Brayden, 17, and Samantha, 11, were playing ball hockey in the driveway. It looked like they were having fun but when they saw me, they stopped their game, warmly introduced themselves and let their mom, Bev, know I was there. A few moments later, their dad, Jeff, came through the door and we were soon seated comfortably in the living room. The atmosphere was so easy going, the family so jovial, that, had I not known beforehand, it would have been hard to guess the challenges they overcome every day.
I had only met Jeff through e-mail. A proud father, he had told me a little about his children. Samantha, who would turn 12 four days after this interview, is in Grade 6 at Richmond Jewish Day School (RJDS): she's a straight-A student and an award-winning speaker, not to mention a star soccer player. Brayden is in Grade 11 at Hugh Boyd Secondary School: he's not only doing well in school, but excels at numerous sports and has been named to the Special Olympics British Columbia (SOBC) provincial bowling team.
Brayden suffered a subdural hemhorrage in infancy, which has contributed to his learning disabilities. In addition to other health issues, Brayden's on growth hormones. The teen told me that he was "six feet and still going" – his shorter father joked that Brayden had grown enough already.
Such humor was characteristic of the entire evening. The Pawers seem to have the ability to find joy in life despite its hardships. Although divorced, they form a strong parenting team and are both active in their children's lives. Jeff has been on the RJDS board for two years and Bev helps out at the school as well. The kids live with Bev in a townhouse along the Richmond dike; Jeff's home is also in Richmond. They were both born and raised in Vancouver, but moved out of the city in 1990. Jeff said he has been in the transportation industry for more than 20 years, primarily in a courier company.
"I don't work," said Bev. "I stay at home only because, I used to work, but it's because I had cancer when Brayden was born and ... I got sick again shortly after Samantha was born. I'm not able to work."
About giving birth to her first child then finding out she had cancer, Bev said, "It was a mind-boggling experience. When I was pregnant with him, he wasn't doing well anyway and then he got really sick."
In her own health battles, Bev said she draws strength from her kids. And there's a lot to draw on there.
Brayden plays softball, basketball, floor hockey and ringette, and he is on the SOBC soccer team, which his father coaches. But it is bowling that has highlighted his year so far.
"It just seems so fun, getting all the pins down," said Brayden, explaining what he likes about the sport he only started playing four years ago. Recently, he scored 257, getting nine strikes in a row.
In part because of that score, Brayden will be participating as a bowler in the SOBC Provincial Summer Games, which are being held this year in Abbotsford July 9-12.
"In Special Olympics, you get selected on a number of principles," explained his father. "One is, obviously, the prowess in the sport. The other is character. Another is how you get along with your teammates for the team sports.... So, it's a whole number of things. They don't just send the best players. You have to be motivated and you have to be recommended by the coach."
To make the family scheduling even more difficult, Samantha plays on the gold U13 (under 13 years old) Richmond Girls Soccer Association team, which is part of the Coastal Girls Soccer League. It is the highest level of play for her age group in Richmond. She plays midfield, "which is the person who runs back and forth and back and forth throughout the field," she explained. Her father added that Samantha is also a striker (a forward who plays the middle part of the field). During soccer season, she was doing soccer four times a week. She also plays on her school's volleyball and basketball teams.
While athletics absorbs much of their time, both Pawer kids do well in academics, though neither will admit to liking school.
"I like sports preferably to school," said Brayden. Of the classes he enjoys most, Brayden named strength and conditioning, weightlifting. "I like working out," he said.
Even his sister, who made the RJDS honor roll this year and received a second-place trophy at the Jewish community's annual Public Speaking Contest this year, wouldn't say she enjoyed academics. She said her favorite subjects were phys-ed and art, only later admitting to liking Hebrew class and French. She wouldn't admit, however, to being a good writer, even though, said her mother, "You made a story that won and you wrote another one that your teacher said should be published." That other story was about a man named Half-way Harry and Samantha wrote it with a classmate: Harry did every thing half way but, by the end, he changes and does everything fully, she explained. Her speaking contest topic was the Jews in the desert, after having escaped from Egypt. "I was Moses," she explained. "I wrote about the premise of the story of Passover from Moses' perspective."
After high school, Brayden plans to go to Kwantlen Polytechnic University, which has a special program for students with learning disabilities. He would like to eventually work in a hotel. He currently works at SilverCity Riverport. "I do basically everything, except for the food stuff and selling tickets, so I clean, I rip the tickets, I say hello, goodbye," said Brayden of his job. "I've been there for almost two years," he added. "I love it."
Samantha already knows that she wants to attend Hugh Boyd for high school. When contemplating possible careers, she said, "Maybe I'll be a first grade teacher." Samantha has a cousin in kindergarten and one in Grade 2 at RJDS, so she has a bit of a fan base with the younger kids at the school. They follow her around sometimes and she plays soccer with them on occasion.
"They're very supportive of each other," said Jeff about Brayden and Samantha. "There's been many a rainy soccer tournament that her brother's come to watch and vice versa."
When asked about what she's learned from Brayden, Samantha found it difficult to put into words. Her dad helped her out, noting that, "for example, at school, where, typically, you get different social types, where you get some kids who are considered bookworms, some of the kids are considered athletic or whatever, Sam has the ability to get along with everybody. And I think that she's learned that from her brother, being tolerant and recognizing that some people are different."
About parenting from two households, Bev said, "It's getting easier as the kids get older." She said, "Every day, we try to make it the most positive for the kids, a good positive environment."
"At the end of the day, we've chosen to put the kids first," said Jeff, adding that he and Bev are fortunate to have both their parents living nearby. "You can't get support like you get from your family," he said.
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