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May 9, 2008
Not at all what he expected
Intern's comic account of Israeli politics needed some gravity.
DAVE GORDON
A 25-year-old Canadian law student in New York applies for an internship at the Israeli consulate – and ends up being hired to write speeches for Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon. Sounds like there should be a punch line. How Toronto native Greg Levey got there, and what comical journeys ensued in the two years thereafter, are the stuff of his new memoir, Shut Up I'm Talking (Simon and Schuster).
One might think the life of a speechwriter is spent staring at the computer monitor. Apparently, that's not the case in Israel. The most bizarre situation into which Levey was thrust, was to be a stand-in to vote on a United Nations resolution he wasn't briefed on, only to learn that the vote was about weapons of mass destruction. Having to take a wild stab at the response, as the international body looked on, was only matched in preposterousness by being offered some already gnawed on leftover salami from Sharon's lunch.
In some ways, Shut Up I'm Talking seems more like the plot of a goofy prime time sitcom, like the old British show Yes, Minister, than the chronicle of a real-life government operation, whose words and deeds are endlessly, and globally, dissected.
Levey watched as Ra'anan Gissin, Sharon's chief advisor, spoke on air to CNN on his cellphone, swerving recklessly through narrow Jerusalem traffic, as ABBA's "Dancing Queen" pulsated incomprehensibly loudly from the car's speakers.
The ever-changing narrative of the Middle East meant that Levey had to pen statements responding to topics ranging from the weighty to the inane. On one hand, there's the speech about the Gaza disengagement; on the other, the one about the Syrians blaming the West Bank occupation for zits on Palestinians and the one expressing outrage at sheep (not shepherds) wandering across the Lebanese/Israeli border. When real incidents weren't amusing enough, Levey would attempt to covertly tuck in references to a Seinfeld episode into one of Sharon's speeches.
In a human impulse to find reprieve from irrationality and terror, Levey volunteered for lightweight assignments, such as writing about the goodwill of international sporting tournaments. That is, until it unexpectedly took on more meaning, when the Iranians pulled out of an Olympic judo competition, lest its athlete spar with an Israeli. To his surprise, the Israeli ambassador found it opportune to leverage the incident with a barbed speech at Iran.
Cloak-and-dagger moments included pretending to be one "Joey Shmeltz" in a reconnaissance mission in a scummy motel for his security training, led by a former Mossad agent. It was made all the more absurd that the training partner was rock band Radiohead's tour manager.
No security question was too ridiculous for the Israeli secret service during the greenhorn speechwriter's pre-job processing investigation: everything down to details of his sex life (past and present), names of his preschool friends and quizzes assembled to test his high school level math.
Many people falsely assume, writes the author, that Israelis, perhaps through fear of utter destruction or world pressures, operate their government with necessary machine-tight proficiency. Instead, the daily reality included things like office doors bereft of doorknobs, being put on a months-long waiting list just to get a phone and high-level meetings where officials simply didn't show up. In the book, Levey questions whether his personal experiences were a microcosm of the same kind of behavior that, on a greater level, may have scuttled some of Israel's diplomatic efforts.
Another dichotomy emerges. To an Israeli, Levey's musings about cultural misunderstandings must seem like frivolous complaints, compared to the real, day-to-day stresses in life. To a North American audience, his experiences include baffling and frustrating interactions – something as simple as getting an ambulance expeditiously after a relatively minor car accident becomes a lesson in Israeli priorities.
The lighter side of Israeli politics is described quite aptly in the book, but it's missing a deeper insight beneath the amusing anecdotes. As well, Israel and its government are the butt of most of the jokes and criticism, and it would be possible to finish the book with a rather negative perception of the entire country and its people. Had the author, a political centrist, included less caricature and more nuances – i.e. the soft insides beneath the tough outer skin of the Sabra – it would have provided a better balance and a better read.
Dave Gordon is a freelance writer based in Toronto. His website is DaveGordonWrites.com.
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