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June 4, 2010
Time for staycation paradise
Taking a break can help with the burn out of chronic illness.
ELLEN FRANK
Dateline October 2009: I am sitting in my apartment and I am not a happy camper. I am caught in a grey fog. I am telling pretty much anyone who will listen that I think I might be depressed. Talking on the phone with my long-time friend, Billie, she says, “You are burnt out. You have all the signs and symptoms.” We hang up and I think to myself, “That was the stupidest thing she’s ever said.” I don’t have a real job, I spend all day sitting in my wheelchair, I’m not getting anything done, and that is what I’m depressed about – so how can I be burnt out? I’m miffed because she is being stupid but, resentfully curious, I Google “burnt out” anyway, and there it is in black and white on helpguide.org/mental/burnout_signs_symptoms.htm.
When you’re burnt out, problems seem insurmountable, everything looks bleak and it’s difficult to muster up the energy to care, let alone do something about your situation. Burnout is a state of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It strikes when you feel overwhelmed and unable to meet constant demands. Burnout reduces your productivity and saps your energy, leaving you feeling increasingly helpless, hopeless, cynical and resentful.
OK, Billie was right.
I read on and, sure enough, I had all the signs and symptoms. How is this possible? Well, duh, I am the same woman who has been saying for years that living with my multiple sclerosis, or with any chronic illness for that matter, is a full-time job. It is a full-time job because everything takes so long. There are endless medical appointments, endless health maintenance, endless organizing, endless planning, and then there is the task of supervising the people who are helping you. Meanwhile, the tasks of daily living take so much time – putting laundry in the washer, putting it in the dryer, then it needs folding – that’s a day’s work right there. Add emptying the dishwasher, and it’s a long day’s work. Never mind that making the bed is an Olympic event. The tasks seem to never stop, nor do all my efforts seem to make much difference. And, aside from the tasks and the maintenance, I would also like to have the energy to see my family and friends. And so, I concede, I am burnt out. Since quitting the job is not an option, what to do? I know, vacation!
Since I’d worked as a travel agent for years, turning a real vacation into a pretend, imaginary vacation would be easy and, since I live alone, I could pretend whatever I want. I decided on the natural hot springs wellness spa Rio Caliente, in Mexico, because four of my friends were soon heading there, so it was on my mind. As a travel agent, I had sent a number of people there, and all of them had a good time. I decided to go for two weeks. I had an open-ended “ticket,” so I could always stay longer if I want. No cheap seats for me! First class – no packing, no airports, no planes, and it put no dents in my credit cards.
The thing is, my pretend destination could be anywhere. The point is, I am not at “home.” It’s not that I want to be somewhere else exactly, I want my expectations of what I’m supposed to accomplish in any given day to disappear. Occasionally, I amuse myself, pretending I actually am in Mexico and, if I want to, I can spend all sorts of time doing virtual Mexico (on computer, for example) and I can eat Mexican food at local places. But, for me, it’s really about putting daily life on hold.
It takes three days but, soon, I’m beginning to relax. I still check my e-mail, look at events, but I say, out loud, “I can’t go there, I’m in Mexico!” I stop trying to do things, like going out or being productive. I am, for all intents and purposes, out of town. I discover, to my delight, that I can sit in the pretend hot springs as long as my heart desires without my legs turning to mush. Another week passes; I screen calls. For the very few people who I want to see, I send my private jet to bring them to Mexico to join me for dinner. Maybe I watch a lot of TV, which has the same effect of numbing my brain as does lots of heat and sunshine. Yesterday, I discovered I could have a pretend hike in the hills. I am unwinding and, I believe, in a few days time, I can go home and begin life again, fresh from vacation.
All in all, it’s a perfect getaway. I can highly recommend it.
Ellen Frank is a writer, activist, mother, grandmother and retired travel agent. She has lived with multiple sclerosis since 1988 and knows well how hard it is to get around with limited mobility. She is the author of Sticks and Wheels: A Guide to Accessible Travel on the Lower Sunshine Coast (Ouzel Publishing, 2006) and features information on accessibility services on her website, sticksandwheels.net.
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