Need to lead by example

LAUREN KRAMER

He’s not a parent himself, but Rabbi Michael Skobac, director of education and counseling at Jews for Judaism in Toronto, shared some valuable ideas on the subject of raising children with his audience of 35 at Chabad of Richmond on Jan. 15.

Co-sponsored by the Jewish Learning Institute and the Jewish Academy with Vancouver Hebrew Academy, the subject of Skobac’s talk was “how to equip ourselves to communicate the spiritual richness and beauty of Judaism to our kids.” It’s a topic with which many parents wrestle – and well they should, the rabbi said, given the high number of Jews who are straying from Judaism to other religions.

Educated at Yeshivah and Northwestern universities, Skobac has been involved in education since 1975 and in counter-missionary work since the 1980s. In his lecture, he pointed out that, in 1990, the American Jewish Population Survey reported 12 percent of Jews in America as practising a religion other than Judaism; by 2000, that number had doubled. “If we trust these statistics, it means that over one million American Jews have some affiliation with a spiritual tradition other than Judaism,” said Skobac, who moved to Toronto from New York in 1992. In Canada, he said, the number of Jews practising a religion other than Judaism is 10 percent.

A highly requested public speaker, Skobac spoke at a Hindu temple in downtown Toronto a few years ago. “I remember thinking there might be a few Jews there, but I was wrong,” he said. “The place was crawling with Jews. One of the most popular ways Jews get involved with Hindu spirituality is through the practice of yoga.”

According to Skobac’s research, some 30 percent of non-Asian Buddhists in North America come from a Jewish background. An additional problem, he said, is the growing number of Jews who “don’t identify with anything but the secular materialistic culture of North America”: the intermarriage rate, which is more than 50 percent, continues to grow.

The challenge for Jewish parents, he explained, is to get their children to internalize Judaism and not to see themselves as Jewish just because they were born that way. “We ourselves must buy into Judaism if we expect and hope our kids will,” Skobac said. “We can’t expect they’ll do something that we won’t do.”

His advice to Jewish parents included the following:

• Model your commitment to Judaism. Children learn not by what parents say but by who they are, what they do and what they value. When Judaism radiates out of parents, nothing is more impactful for their kids.

• Pray with and for your kids. This builds your relationship with G-d. Let your children see you pray, and not just out of a prayer book. “If we live lives where we believe in prayer and take it seriously, it becomes part of who we are,” Skobac said.

• Upgrade your and your kids’ Jewish education as much as possible. Find a spiritual guide for yourselves so your children can see that you take your spirituality seriously.

• Focus on informal educational opportunities, such as Jewish summer camps and family trips.

• Take on a tzedakah project as a family.

• Ensure your kids feel loved. Children need to grow up in homes where they can develop a healthy self-esteem and where there’s healthy communication between them and their parents. Spend time with your kids, have fun with them and ensure they feel supported and comfortable confiding in you.

• Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Make sure your kids know you listen to them. This means really listening, not being distracted by computers, iPhones, iPads and other conversations.

Lauren Kramer is an award-winning writer in Richmond. Read her work at laurenkramer.net.

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