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Dec. 16, 2005

Already hundreds wed

Internet dating site leads couples to a chuppah.
DAVE GORDON

Very few people can say they've been involved in 500 weddings. The staff at Frumster.com can. The Internet dating site has now made 500 (virtual) trips to the chuppah, all across the globe, making it the most successful Jewish dating-for-marriage service on the Internet.

Averaging 16 matched members a month, the four-year-old website boasts almost 20,000 active worldwide members who are serious about finding their basherte (soulmate).

Rachel Stefansky and Jonathan Strauss are just two of those singles who used Frumster.com to find their soulmate.

Stefansky looked long and hard for her basherte, but finding the right guy in her hometown of Basel, Switzerland, proved to be difficult. She began using Frumster.com because she knew that this would give her thousands of men to choose from from all over the world.

Strauss, a 28-year-old New Jersey resident, had become frustrated with being set up by friends, so he turned to Frumster.

Stefansky stumbled upon his profile on a lark, and became his first Frumster date. (More than 53 per cent of all Frumster marriages are the result of women initially contacting men.)

Stefansky discovered Strauss's profile days before taking one of her several trips to the United States to meet guys she had talked to on Frumster. The photo he had recently posted on his profile caught her eye. She already had five dates lined up for her visit, but decided to include Strauss as well. They met online on a Monday and went out in person for real that Wednesday.

Strauss was used to a laid-back approach to dating. "You get to know someone; you go out maybe once a week," he observed. "Rachel had less patience for wasting time. We went out for long dates, sometimes 10 hours long." Three days later, he had a plane ticket in his hand and was heading for Switzerland to go on more dates.

Strauss spent a week in Switzerland, taking in the sites with Stefansky. They hit it off, proving that true love has no borders. The two were Frumster Match #175 and were married in Ramat Gan, Israel, on 17 Iyyar 5765 (May 26, 2005).

Both had tried other Internet dating sites, but came up with slim pickings, and found that, according to Strauss, Frumster was "a much better way to meet people these days," and had things to offer that other sites did not.

Though they both knew they could check out each other's references on Frumster, it was an option that they chose to forego.

"I wanted to get to know him myself," said Stefansky.

The online photos also helped. "I am very relieved it wasn't a blind date," said Strauss. "It makes things a lot easier."

It was an added bonus that through Frumster, no one else knew that they were dating, and they could keep it private for as long as they wanted. Members can conduct searches and contact potential matches anonymously.

Both are pleased that Frumster has live support, along with interactive forums and social events - it is not an "impersonal" website.

Marketing director Derek Saker believes that much of Frumster's success can be ascribed to rigorous screening and ongoing controls, which all help to ensure as large a pool of genuine members as possible.

"It started to provide a more secure dating environment with insightful profiles that asked the right questions," he said, "and to address the growing singles crisis."

The full-time staff ensures appropriate standards by screening all members.

When Frumster started out, no real names were used, but now members must supply full names. In North America, the Passaic, N.J.-based staff phones members personally, to make sure everyone's authentic. As well, immediate investigation and action is taken when complaints are received. Frumster, which began as a site solely for Orthodox Jews, continues to draw sincere singles of all ages and affiliations.

"Everyone we knew was laughing and making fun when we were going on Frumster," said Stefansky. "But this is the future of dating. Before, no one believed in it; that you could find your basherte on the Internet. But now that we've met, our friends and family have posted their profiles."

Her husband concurs: "This is a place where you can meet others looking for a serious relationship. Treat it like it's a place to meet people, where you can chat, ask questions and go out and meet the person you're going to marry."

Dave Gordon is a freelance writer living in New York City.

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