What to do with the kids

JORDANA ROTHSTEIN SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH BULLETIN

Parenting: Everything You Ever Needed to Know was the title of the last talk given for the Ohel Ya'akov Community Kollel by Dr. Richard Golden, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in private practice in Vancouver. After his presentation, Golden opened up the floor to audience questions. Most of the queries he received came from parents wanting to know if behavior they had witnessed in their children was normal.

Golden is quite reassuring on the topic of normalcy.

"There's an Ericksonian or a Freudian or a Jungian approach; everyone has their own norms," he told the Bulletin in an interview. "Psychology is as much an art as it is a science, so there's a range of normalcy, in particular in adolescents."
In fact, with adolescents, even the craziest of behaviors can be perfectly common, according to Golden.

"Early adolescents can mimic any psychiatric disorder known to mankind. I'll have a kid brought to see me at 13 and the parents are convinced he's schizophrenic or weird, but in fact he's normal."

If such extremes of behavior can be considered non-problematic, how can a parent know when unusual behavior in their children is cause for concern?

Golden places great faith in parents. If a parent were to ask for warning signs that their children were in trouble, Golden could provide an endless list, but not everything on that list might be applicable to an individual child. Instead, Golden advises parents, "Trust your instincts. If your kid goes to school and everything seems and feels all right, it should be OK. But, if you have a premonition, or your instinct is telling you something's wrong, investigate it."

Golden advises calling for help when you think you need to. If you're not sure, err on the side of caution; it's easier for a professional to determine whether or not a child has a problem that requires psychiatric care.

Today, there are countless problems that children, particularly teenagers, may be facing, Golden said. Depression, identity and body image crises, questions regarding sexuality and even attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may be plaguing teens. While many of these problems are treatable with medication, Golden does not advocate immediate fixes. While there are, "a number of well-designed, peer-review studies that show that medications are both safe and effective," Golden will not always prescribe them after a child has received a diagnosis.

"Just because you have a diagnosis doesn't necessarily mean you need a treatment," he said. "If a kid comes to see me diagnosed as ADHD, I don't just write their Ritalin prescription." The only times he offers such treatments are when the child's problems are interfering in his or her day-to-day life. "If a kid can't concentrate very well, but they can be taught techniques or their environment can be modified," then that would be the first prong of treatment, Golden explained. "You always want to do the least invasive thing first."

Given that ideal, Golden advocates simple solutions to specific behavior problems. For example, a common argument parents must engage in with their children is the issue of returning to school after summer holidays. Golden suggests doing whatever it takes to physically get the child back in school; for most children, complaints and anxieties will subside once they have overcome the initial trauma of ending their vacation period. However, he cautions, if the child's complaints persist and the child remains unhappy, parents must further pursue the issue.

As with all other problems, if it seems as though your child's concerns run beyond the realm of normal childhood malaise, investigate the problem. If you feel uncomfortable discussing the issue with officials at your child's school, talk to your family doctor about the problem. Don't assume you're just being silly if you think there's something wrong with your child. As Golden says, "We are, after all, animals, and we do have instincts. God put them there for a reason." Given that, Golden said that parents should call him, or another psychiatrist, when they feel their child is in need.

To hear more from Golden, you can attend one of his upcoming talks on the topic of parenting. He will be speaking on Sept.10, Oct. 22 and Nov. 26 in private homes. He will begin with general information, similar to his original talk, and will continue the discussions on the basis of an audience's particular interests. The lecture series is being organized by the Community Kollel. If you wish to attend one of these evenings, call 604-267-7060.

Jordana Rothstein is an English major at Princeton University who enjoys coming home for the summer.

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